Character Party

I will indeed ignore him.

Just wait for James to come on. There will be entirely too much sex appeal for one room to contain. Until that happy pass takes place, I suppose I could have a conversation with my very own self.

Hello, Jim. How're you?

Fine, but a bit bored. And you?

The same.

I'm thinking about having a few people killed.

Funny you should say that, I am too!

I've got a great sniper who'll take care of a few of them.

I know. I'm you.

That must be why this conversation is so dull.

I know everything you're going to say next.

I know yours as well.

...I don't like this much, Johnny Boy. Sherlock is far more entertaining.

Sherlock is much better than you full stop.

Thank you John. You are better than him too.

Well, you two're rather required to say that, aren't you? I personally have a different opinion, but I understand completely if I'm a bit biased.

Oh, um, thank you Sherlock.

Jim, you said it yourself Sherlock is more entertaining.

Well, yeah.
The other option was entertaining myself.
Besides, I thought Seb had established that I have a bit of an obsession with Sherlock? He is so much fun to play with.

You don't just have an obsession. You act like a jealous girlfriend with him.

Jealous, Dr. Watson?
Besides, who's really Sherlock's girlfriend here?

I don't have a girlfriend. Girlfriends don't interest me.

Don't fret, Sherlock. Johnny Boy would be more than happy to help you find what does interest you.
Actually, sometimes I wouldn't mind myself. <3
But then I remember that you hate me. And I smile, because everything is as it should be. <3

Annoyed more than jealous, Jim.

AH! So you admit you want him!

John knows what interests me. It's his job to know.

Doesn't everybody want Sherlock? Look at dear Irene, switching her orientation to give him some love.

And Sherlock, dear. It's lovely to hear you admit it. I hope you know that you'll never hear the end of this.

The end of what? I'm afraid you've lost me...

*snicker*
Why am I utterly unsurprised?

You are reading too much into that, Jim. Sherlock is oblivious.

And Sherlock. I do not really know what interests you... I know what you eat and what you drink, how you work and how you sleep and how you spend your free time. But I do not know how you like your lovers to be, that's not part of my job.

I'm well aware. Notice my dancing around using any horribly, blatantly obvious language so that he stays confused. It's rather cute.

Sometimes I forget you are evil.

I must not be doing my job well enough.

........ No, I think you're doing just fine.............

Lovers? Who said anything about lovers? I thought we were talking about our hobbies and interests. What interests me is solving crimes. I thought that would be obvious.

Sherlock, you are so dense I feel the need to punch you.
We've been talking about love and sex for the whole time.

OK John. Fine. If I'm so dense, how come I can tell you that you only slept 4 hours last night, that you were late for work by twenty minutes but still managed to get breakfast consisting of 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast and a cup of coffee, that you had to walk for a quarter of a mile before you managed to hail a cab, that one of your patients today was a man with a stomach complaint and a West Highland Terrier and that on your way home you bought a bag of chips from McDonalds but threw half of them away.

How come I can look at a person's footprint and tell you not only their shoe size but their height, weight, posture, build, speed; how come I can look at discarded tobacco ash and tell you exactly what brand of cigarettes they were smoking; how come I can memorise every street, back alley, bridge and road sign in London; how come I am able to recite to you, right now and in order, every single element in the Periodic table and tell you how many protons, neutrons and electrons they each have as well as at least one use for each of them; how come I have never once failed at any case I have taken on and never will? Tell me. Please. Enlighten me.

((Norbury. Just sayin'.))

Being clever doesn't necessarily mean one isn't...oh, what was the phrase? "Spectcularly ignorant".