I am not dead, are you? (SherlockXMoriarty PostRBF)

Jim kept hid head against Sherlock's chest for a long while. The question struck him and for the moment he was lost for words. He felt his heart starting to throb painfully fast. What did he want? Jim didn't saw himself working in some office. Neither did he saw himself starting his own company...Or at least none other then he already had.
"I.. I don't know." He whispered. For some reason Jim still longed to pick up from where he had strayed. But he also knew Sherlock would not approve. He could always secretly do so, but if his boyfriend ever would find out, he'd be furious. Jim sighed, this might be the toughest decision he had ever had to make.

Sherlock closed his eyes, brushing his lips over the other's hair, taking in his scent. He knew this was always going to be the worst subject for them, it could be the reason why they'd split if any. Finding a compromise was essential.

"I just... I don't.. I don't want us to be enemies any more," he whispered, kissing the top of his head. "Especially now that we are going to live together."
Sherlock knew Jim hadn't gone back to his organization yet, with the network of spies he had set up when working on his revenge, there was no way he wouldn't notice Jim's unique imput in case of a comeback.
Even so, it didn't mean that Jim would never go back, he could pick it up any time if he wanted to.

"We don't need to be enemies." Jim whispered back. "But I.. I don't think I can see myself doing anything else." He shrugged slightly. No matter how hard he tried, there was no other thing that came to his mind. Jim would never be a good man and there was no one, not even Sherlock, who could change that part of him.

Sherlock pulled a bit away, trying to look into the other's eyes, he needed to know how serious he was about what he was saying. "You could... solve cases with me... it's not too different from what you did..." he muttered, not realizing just how pleading his voice was.

"Jim, I would do anything for you, I would not go back to my old job if it'd make it better for you to be with me... but it's not going to change the fact that I can't... I can't be with a criminal..." he confessed, his eyes moving on the other's face.

Jim's head automatically began to shake. "Sherlock.. I am not one to solve crimes. I.. No. I can't do this." He said, his voice desperate for any kind of understanding from his lover's side. "It's not that simple." He stepped away from Sherlock completely now.

"I can't be what you're expecting me to be." He whimpered, his face wrinkling in a painful expression.

"Maybe you aren't good at deductions, but you would be perfect at creating traps for the criminals to fall in," he insisted, he was looking at Jim pleadingly. "There are a lot of things one can do... and our problem has always been boredom, right? Isn't that why you became obsessed with me in the first place? Isn't that why you became a consulting criminal?" he asked and bit on his lower lip. "You have me now though, I will keep you entertained..."

He took in a deep breath.
"You understand we can't possibly act as if nothing happened if you went back to that... how am I supposed to accept you killing people when I am supposed to be the one stopping that?"

Jim took another step back as he shook his head. "No, Sherlock. That's not why I became a consultant criminal. Family dramas has turned me into what I became. You back then were just a nice feature. An option." He explained. "Of course you're more now. God you're everything." Jim felt a tear falling down his eye as he spoke.

He sighed deep. "Would you join my side if I asked you to?" He said, a bit cold and already knowing the answer. "It's exactly the same."

The words hit him more than he let on. He had really thought Jim was the same as him, he had really thought Jim would not care about his career as long as he was entertained.
For a moment, he fell speechless.
He had to admit he had taken it for granted, and to know that Jim thought differently made him feel utterly alone.

No one can understand me...

He pulled back, turning around, he had no idea what to say, there was no point in answering that question, Jim knew the answer already. He would never join him.

"What do you suppose we do then?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

Jim felt his chest area starting to hurt as Sherlock turned his back. He grimaced painfully, knowing none of what he said was what Sherlock wanted to hear. But Jim couldn't help it and if Sherlock wasn't going to be able to live with the situation, he had no idea what they should do.

Sherlock's shaking voice hurt him even more. What was he supposed to say now? Jim hadn't got the slightest idea. He shrugged even though he knew Sherlock wasn't seeing it. "There's little we can do right now." He said in between a whisper and a cry.

Sherlock didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to do, his heart was throbbing painfully in his chest and he wished he could go back to how happy he felt before, when he imagined living with Jim, when he was sure they were going to always be together.

"We have to decide something eventually, what's the point of living together if we don't have a future?" he muttered desperate.

Jim walked over towards the bed and sat down on it. His knees had gone week and he just needed a moment to think. Sherlock's words hit him painfully, we don't have a future... It was the only thing that echoed through his mind for the next few moments. His eyes were fixed on his knees and he could see a teardrop getting sucked into the fabric of his trousers.

"Maybe this time you should give in." He said eventually. "I already gave more then I had to offer to begin with. Love comes from both sides." He whispered.

Sherlock looked at Jim sitting on the bed, he could tell his lover was affected by this just as much as he was. His heart was crying for him, longing for his touch and comprehension, but he knew they had to talk about this, they couldn't ignore the matter, it would only hurt further at the end.

"I could," he said, hands balling into fists. "I would," he admitted, and took in a shaky breath. "At the moment I would do anything for you Jim, I would do anything to keep you with me," he whispered honestly. "But every person you will kill, everyone you will harm, it will all be on my shoulders as well, I will be responsible and I will be an accomplice," he muttered, looking away, unable to keep his eyes on him. "Every time I will meet you, every night you would come back to bed and I would read on your body what you have done... maybe it will be okay at the beginning... but I think you know what it will do to me at the end..."

Jim sighed, knowing Sherlock was probably right. Though he did not see him playing on the good side either. He just could not do that.

"I don't kill much people myself, you know. Only on very rare occasions." He mentioned. "People come to me asking me to solve their case. It's the same you do, except it's less..." He didn't finish his sentence though. Less what? Less boring? Less justified?

"Nevermind." He muttered straight after. Jim lowered his back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. He needed to think. He couldn't just decide something for the rest of his life.

"I need to think about it."

"Just because you aren't the one doing it doesn't mean that you aren't responsible," he muttered, trying hard not to think about the people Jim had killed to bring him to solve the Carl Powell case the first time they met face to face, the memories made cold shivers run up his spine.

He sighed when Jim said he would think about it, it meant they still had a chance. "You have a week... John will get discharged at the end of this week... I think we shouldn't live together if... if... well... if we can't find a compromise."

Jim glared at Sherlock. He didn't like the fact he now had a deadline to order his thoughts and make the biggest decision of his life. How whole future was dangling on a string and if he made the wrong choice, it would fall down and shatter for good.

He threw the keys to their new flat across the room, turned his back towards Sherlock and went lying on the bed. Jim's mixed emotions were upsetting him more then they should. He thought about everything he had ever done, everything he had worked so hard for. Could he really let it all fall just for one person?

Sherlock looked at the keys as they flew accross the room, he walked closer taking them up and looking at them. He felt his heart clench in his chest at the thought they really could have it all, if only they were more similar.

"Jim," he mumbled, placing the keys on the table, then crawling on the bed, "Come here," he whispered, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. "It's the anniversary of our first month together... let's just think about that now, can we? I love you... I really do..." he whispered, kissing the back of his neck.

At first Jim wanted to protest against Sherlock's touch. He wanted to be left alone, to think and considerate his option. Though once the warmth of his boyfriend's body came covering his back he couldn't help but move closer. Somehow being in those arms managed to make things better all of the time, no matter what kind of trouble they had got into.

A shiver ran down Jim's spine with every kiss received. Sherlock's words made him go weak and his own hands moved to cover the one's that were wrapped around him. He sighed slightly, but it was not an annoyed sigh. "I love you too." He whispered back, forcing himself to let go of the thoughts he had.

"Don't force yourself to think now," he muttered, trying to lure Jim's mind away from their worry and problems, he wanted him here with him now, where he could touch him and hug him.

"Let's just... be together for tonight... as if we aren't what we are... as if we were never enemies in the first place," he whispered, nibbling the back of Jim's neck along his spine, squeezing him even closer.

Jim could feel his body relax to warmth of Sherlock's. His nerves still reacted to every touch of Sherlock's lips. It felt nice and he loved how no matter what, Sherlock always managed to calm him down. "Okay." He whispered, his own hand now slowly rubbing over Sherlock's arm.

Jim couldn't held back a small moan when Sherlock placed his lips along his spine. He closed his eyes, taking in every moment. Feeling every bit of what they were doing. Slowly but certain his thoughts started to focus on the moment, on just the two of them entangled on this bed.

"Why can't I keep my hands off you?" Sherlock wondered out loud as his fingers moved to find a way under the other's shirt, touching the skin and tracing the other's abs.

"You are worse than any drugs to me, Jim, I will never be able to have enough," he continued, his lips sucking on the side of his neck now, sliding closer to his ear. "I want you inside..." He whispered before his tongue came out to run along his lobe.

"Because I'm irresistible" jim whispered back, half joking. He felt his body squirm under Sherlock's touch. Those long fingers tracing patterns on his stomach were making sparks fly through his whole body.

Jim could feel himself getting aroused as those thick lips made their way up to his ear. Sherlock knew exactly how to turn him on in such a way that saying no wasn't even an option anymore. As a reaction to those bloody hot whispers Jim turned around, immediately attaching his lips to Sherlock's. His tongue not hesitating to taste the other more.

"You've no idea how much I want to be inside of you." Jim groaned against Sherlock's lips as his hands found their way to unbutton Sherlock's shirt.

"Indeed you are," he agreed, grinning happily when his lover turned around, relieved, and very much turned on already. "You are sexy, you are handsome, you are smart, you are everything I want," he whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss.

He kissed him back then, passionate, putting in the way he felt about him, the way he craved him and how much he wanted to always keep him with him.

The groan made his senses spark with lust, God, he wanted him. "Yes, do it then, quickly," he whispered, helping out with the buttons of his shirt, and then moving to Jim's. Not too long after that he was undoing Jim's belt and pressing closer eagerly, wanting to feel their bodies touch.

Jim flushed red at the compliments Sherlock was giving him. It didn't happen much that he received such lovable words from his boyfriend. "Hmmm. You're all of that as well. Except ten times more." He muttered in between the kisses.

Jim didn't even have the time to reply to Sherlock's words as he got too entwined in their kissing. As both their shirts were gone, Jim started trailing down kisses over Sherlock's neck, collar bone, chest, abdomen and all the way down to the edge of his trousers. Once there he started opening them up and eagerly he pulled them down, not even caring about the fact Sherlock's boxers came down with them as well.

Teasingly Jim's hand moved down to massage Sherlock's balls. And if it weren't enough he parted his lips, placing them over the head of Sherlock's throbbing cock and flicking his tongue around it. After a few seconds he retrieved himself from it, kissing his way back up to his boyfriend's lips.

The soft whispered compliments made Sherlock want Jim even more, it was like their bodies had become magnets, and they just couldn't be apart, skin against skin, they would move accordingly to slid together.

His back arched as Jim moved down his chest, his whole body shaking and his hips jerking up when he felt the wet movement of his tongue on his arousal. "Jim~" he whimpered, needy, "You are going to kill me if you tease me like that," he stammered, pulling him closer for a kiss, as feverish hands moved to push down his lover's trousers and pants.

Jim moaned in the kiss as his trousers were being taken off. Just right after he broke up their kiss and moved away for a few seconds to grab a condom and the lube inside the drawer. As he came back he fell next to Sherlock on the bed.

"Turn around." He whispered his ear and he placed a few kisses on his neck.

Jim squeezed some lube onto his fingers and moved to sit on Sherlock's upper legs once he had been turned. His fingers moved in between Sherlock's crack and started nudging at the entrance before sliding in.