I am not dead, are you? (SherlockXMoriarty PostRBF)

Sherlock watched over John as he fell asleep.
It became a common occurence in the following days as he spent hour after hour at the hospital.

It was hard.
Especially because Jim always seemed to be in a bad mood when Sherlock came home late.
He never asked the detective to do things differently though, and for that he was grateful.
He needed Jim's support.
He needed to feel him near at night.
Jim had become his oxygen.
And he couldn't fall asleep if he didn't have him in his arms.

All decisions about the future were put on hold.
They were waiting for the worst part to pass, and finally the attacks stopped and John seemed to be improving.

They were the longest 15 days of Sherlock's life, and they were stressful as well, but when the doctor approached him to tell him John would get disharged in a few days he felt relieved only for a second.
He knew now those decisions could not be avoided.
Living arrangements, their identities, their prospective jobs, they were all questions that needed answers.
He was terrified Jim would not want to stay in London with him at all.
Or he would go back to being a criminal, an enemy.

He came home early that day, ordering their dinner in and trying to get something nicer than usual.
He disabled the fire alarm then, and even lighted a few candles to make the atmosphere more romantic.
Then he sat at the table, and waited for his lover to come back from whereever he had disappeared to.
It was one month they were together, he realized as he stared at the calendar.

Jim had spent the days all on his own most of the time. The first few he had been mocking in bed but he figured it wasn't helping both of them, so he tried his best not get jealous or angry over things. Sherlock needed him and he understood the situation now was only temporary. Once John would be better they had their own future to focus on.

Though, Jim wasn't a patient man and 2 weeks from when they first arrived in London, he still found himself upset about the whole situation. Sherlock and he barely talked. They spend just an hour or 2 in the evening before falling asleep in each other's arm. At least Sherlock fell asleep, Jim would most of the time spend an extra hour awake, just staring at his beautiful boyfriend.

That day seemed to be moving slower then Jim had hoped. When he woke up he had noticed the date. It was their first month together and Sherlock would probably spend the whole day with his friend in an hospital room, meaning Jim would spend their anniversary alone in a dull hotel room. It was driving him insane and he needed some air.

He decided to head out for a while, perhaps going to look for something nice to get Sherlock. What does one get for someone who used to be their enemy? For someone who found things like this dull and ordinary. Jim hadn't had the slightest idea. He sent a text to Molly, she could perhaps help? She might have a better sense for these kind of things. But he wasn't really satisfied with the suggestions he received back. Tickets to a movie, a nice evening out eating, teddybear, a necklace.... Jim just sighed and put his phone away again.

A few hours and a good refreshing walk through Hyde Park later he headed back home. It was nearly 6PM And Sherlock usually didn't get back before 9 so he had 3 more hours to waste on his own. As he arrived back at the hotel, he opened the door, not expecting anyone to be in so the look of surprise on his face was more then obvious when he saw his boyfriend sitting on their table.

"Sherlock?" He said a bit confused.

Sherlock had been about to doze off when Jim finally came back.
He quickly stood up, smiling, incredibly happy to see him, one part of him was always worried Jim would go away, that he would come back one evening to find him gone.

"I was starting to think you found someone better and ran off," he joked, wrapping his arms around the other's waist and burying his face in the other's neck.

He took in his scent, nuzzling his skin, just taking him in.
"One month, Jim..." he whispered against his ear.

"I did found someone, but he sure wasn't better." Jim jokes back, even laughing out loud slightly.

Jim smiled more as Sherlock welcomed him, wrapping his arms around the other middle and buying his face in his chest. Sherlock smelled so nice, he felt so warm and Jim could stay there in his arms forever.

"I know." He whispered back, surprised Sherlock cared about these things. "I bought something." He said, slowly pulling away.

Sherlock pouted when Jim teased him, nibbling his neck just slightly in revenge before he pulled away.

He blushed furiously when Jim mentioned he bought something. "Wh- ah. That's what people do, isn't it... they buy each other gifts... I..." he swallowed nervously. "I didn't have time to... I just..." he motioned to the candles.

"Jesus, I am an horrible boyfriend," he mumbled, feeling horrible. How could he not think about it?

Jim laughed and shook his head. "Honey it's fine." He said, stroking over Sherlock's cheek. "Candles are more then I even expected." He then quickly kissed the other's lips.

"You're the best boyfriend in the world. Really, don't bother." He reassured Sherlock.

"Shall we?" He gestured to the table and moved to sit down.

Sherlock felt his chest fill with a warm feeling he still didn't know how to label when Jim complimented him. He knew he didn't deserve it, but it felt nice to know Jim would take the time to make him feel better. he smiled, nodding, forgetting about the fact Jim had mentioned buying something.

He wanted to enjoy the meal, he wanted to fall into Jim and sleep early, but the truth was that they needed to take too many decisions to afford losing any time.
He had a feeling it was not going to be easy.

"We have to talk," he said once they were sat down. "John is getting discharged in a few days... he is well enough to live on his own again, I was thinking of moving him back to the apartment he was renting until he tried to- well you know... I might need to stay with him for the first night..." he said, looking up guiltily.

Jim was just about to mention what he had bought when Sherlock started talking. For a moment his heart stopped beating. He swallowed loud and a cramped feeling came over him. Staying with John? No, Sherlock wasn't serious right? Jim's face grimaced painfully.

"Wh- what?" He exclaimed. "You're just joking, right?"

Sherlock looked at him worriedly, he didn't like the grimace on the other's face. "Just one night, it's just so he doesn't wake up screaming thinking I am dead or something," he pleaded, reaching over the table to grab the other man's hand.

"After that it will be easier... I won't have to stay away for so long, and not every day..." he explained and tried to smile encouraging.

Jim shook his head at Sherlock words. He just couldn't believe this. Waiting for days alone in a room was one thing. But letting Sherlock go to sleep with another man? No, Jim couldn't allow this, the idea alone made him go crazy.

"No." He said sharp, still shaking his head. "Just... No."

Sherlock sighed, sitting back, no doubt disappointed by Jim's reaction. He knew very well he would be just as jealous if Jim mentioned sleeping somewhere else, but he didn't think he had much choice. He had to make sure the transition would happen smoothly.

"Do you not trust me? Do you think I would cheat on you?" he asked, looking at him thoughtful. "I would sleep on the sofa... and come back in the early morning... we could spend the day together then..." he insisted.

"John knows I have a boyfriend, he would never try anything..."

Jim's eyes scanned over Sherlock's face restlessly, there was a sort of absent smile of disbelieve showing on his lips, his head still shaking slightly.

"This isn't about trust!" He exclaimed.

"I don't care whether you'll be sleeping on the sofa or the floor or even the corridor. You're not going." He moved his chair back, standing up and turning his back towards Sherlock. He had spend the entire afternoon searching for a decent apartment for the both of them; moment ago he couldn't wait to tell and show Sherlock what he had got. But now? Now he felt jealous and even slightly betrayed. Why did Sherlock have to do this on this day?

Sherlock stood up as well, his heart beating furiously in his chest. "Then what is it about?" he asked, he couldn't understand. "I am not asking you if I can move in with him again! It just one night for God's sake!"

He took in a deep breath. "I know it's unfair of me to ask for anything more considering I am staying away the whole time, but things will get better, and nothing will get in between us after this is over... we have to make the right decisions though, or we'll find ourselves at the beginning all over again! If John has an attack that first night, he will have to go back to the hospital!"

Jim threw his hands in the air and felt himself getting more angry with every word Sherlock said.
"Don't fool yourself Sherlock. One night? Yes, then he knows you're there. And you leave the second night and he'll have an attack and we're also back at square one."

Jim then turned around. "If this was me doing the same things you're doing now, you wouldn't even stay. You would have walked out if this days ago." He whispered, a few tears coming to his eyes. He had been so patient the last days, he had been lonely and sad and right at this moment he felt himself falling down.

"I can't do this anymore, Sherlock." He whispered, his voice getting interrupted by a slight sniff. "I.. This is too much you're asking."

"I am trying to do things gradually, John is strong, he can make it, but there are steps to get there, I won't stay more than one night, Jim, please, try to understand," he muttered, the rest of the words were like a slap to his face.

"That's not true, it's not true, Jim, I would do just what you are doing, I would support you!" he protested. "You think it's not hard for me as well? To be always away? It's like I don't have a life any more! I have to do everything for John! Do you think I am having fun?"

He grimaced at the rest of the words. "What am I supposed to do, Jim? Things are finally looking up and you want to give up?" he muttered, grey eyes looking at him sadly. "You have me, Jim, you have my heart, what else do you want?"

"What else do I want?" He huffed and pulled his nose up at those words.

"I want you close Sherlock. I want to spend time with you. I don't want to sit alone waiting for you to pop in and then have a fight with me over things that shouldn't even be our concern. You're John's friend. You're a wonderful friend, but there are limits, Sherlock. Limits you're now crossing."

"I am just doing what's necessary, please Jim," he muttered, walking closer and taking his hands, "Just this once, I will do whatever you want in exchange," he pleaded, trying to look into his eyes.

"After that I promise I won't spend more than a few hours with John..." he leaned closer to press his forehead to Jim's. "We have to plan our future, Jim... this has been a moment of stalling, but it will end in less than a week and we have to find something to do with our lives..."

Jim closed his eyes. Why did he had to be so god damn jealous and possessive? It only complicated things more. But eventually he sighed. "One night." He muttered, but he was far from happy to give in. It hurt him knowing he would be apart for a whole day and night.

"Sherlock. About that gift." He started, knowing this wasn't the right moment anymore, but he couldn't just let it pass. "I bought a flat. For you, for us." He started, hopefully looking for a positive reaction in Sherlock's eyes. "It's located at Angel."

Sherlock couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his lips when Jim agreed to let him stay with John for one night. "Thank you so much," he exclaimed, squeezing his hands. He was about to lean in for a kiss when Jim spoke again.

The words were unexpected to say the least, it was one of the things he wanted to discuss, but he'd never thought Jim would go and buy a house for him... for them.
He looked at him, surprised.
"So you... you want us to live... together? Like... permanently?" he asked, his body suddenly shaking.

For a moment all hope sank into Jim's shoes. There was a certain kind of confusion visible on Sherlock's face and Jim didn't like it. He had hoped for at least a bit more enthusiasm on the fact they're going to live together.

"Yes." He said, still confident. "Yes I want to us to live together. Here, in London." He said, eyes fluttering at Sherlock. He would agree right? He wanted to stay with him, live with him as well, didn't he?

Yes I want us to live together. Here, in London

Sherlock felt a long shiver run up his spine at the words.
It was better than he expected, his worries dissapating quickly.
"Oh God," he mumbled, rather incoherent as he moved to hug Jim tight.

"I thought you wanted to leave, I thought-" he stopped and pulled back to look at him.
"I was hoping for something like this," he admitted, his lips curling in a wide smile. "I don't want to be apart from you, Jim."

"I would never leave you, Sherlock." Jim whispered before he pulled Sherlock into his arms. He couldn't believe they were actually going to do this. Living together in their own nice little flat in London. Jim couldn't help but smile against Sherlock's chest.

"I'm happy." He whispered.

Sherlock hugged him tight, there was this bubbly feeling in his chest that he could not recognize, but it made him smile and laugh lightly.
He was certainly happy.
"It's great, Jim... me and you... living together," he stammered, pulling away just to press kisses on the other's face.

"You can help me with my experiment!" he exclaimed with an estatic smile, his mind running with wonderful scenarios. Probably unrealistic, but at the moment he didn't care.

Jim frowned but kept the smile on his face. "I don't want the flat to burn down." He replied, trying to imagine him even doing those kind of experiments. The thought made him smile even more.

"Oh. It'll be so good." Jim sighed happily. Right now this was all that counted at this moment. He felt happy and the emptiness of the last weeks floated. If only he could feel like this forever.

Sherlock laughed at Jim's words, his head rolling along his shoulder. "I've never burned something down... a few explosions here and there, but nothing major," he muttered and smiled.

He pulled a bit away, knowing he had to ask something else. It was probably the most important thing he could ask.
"What about your job? What do you want to do?" he asked, swallowing hard.