I am not dead, are you? (SherlockXMoriarty PostRBF)

"Ironic, right?" she said with a shaky smile and waved for him to come inside. "Would you care for some tea?" she asked amiably.

She chuckled at her straight-forward manner. "Well, I know it's odd... it's just... Sherlock seemed to be very worried about you... I thought maybe I could help by being your friend... it's not fun to be alone, is it?"

~~~~

Sherlock smiled at the joke, "Would you like something to drink? Or something to eat? I can go get it..." he muttered, fingers moving to caress the other's face.

"It seems such a miracle that I can see you again, John..." he admitted after a while. "I thought I would never have a place here any more... I thought you were going to hate me..." There was still time for that actually.

Jim huffed at Molly's words. So Sherlock went complaining to her? He wanted him to sit around listening to this woman's boring jokes about cats and death people all day? What was Sherlock taking him for? Was he doing it so Jim wouldn't notice how much time he was spending with John? Because if so, Jim wasn't interested at all.

"I'm perfectly fine on my own, thank you Molly." He declined the offer, trying not to hurt her good intentions.

--

"Some water would be marvelous, actually." He said as he noticed his tongue was thick and dry. John observed every move Sherlock made, the little things he does, they were still there. Nothing changed. Beside the fact he seemed to move a little oddly, but the fridge was within hand reach, so perhaps he just pulled a wrong muscle.

John smiled once more. "I asked for one more miracle though." He admitted. "I could be angry and I could give in to my negative feelings. But I'm fighting them off, Sherlock. This is all I ever wanted, all I asked for in the last 3 years. And now it's here and I don't want to throw it away again." He explained before tugging his water almost completely empty at once.

Molly became even more nervous at Jim's reply, she wasn't sure what she was doing either, but it was her instinct pushing her forward. "I know you are perfectly fine on your own. You've always been," she said, biting on her lower lip, moving to make some tea with the kettle she had in the corner.

"But you are not on your own any more... you are with Sherlock now," she stammered, not sure whether she was making her point clearer.

~~~~

Sherlock gave him the water and watched him closely, he could tell by the state of John's clothes that the sedatives had worked perfectly, he had no nightmares at least last night, but his friend still looked tired and sad. He wished there was something he could do, anything.

"It's good. It's important to me that you get better," he muttered, now a lot more used to talking about feelings than he used to be. He had no idea just how much Jim changed him.
"If there is anything I can do to make things better or easier for you... just tell me..." he muttered, wishing he knew a bit more about psychology, he'd read many papers, but this had nothing to do with cases.

Jim still stood leaning against the wall rather uninterested and bored with the circumstances. One Molly turned around he rolled his eyes. He could feel this was going to be awkward and uncomfortable for both of them.

"Yes. I know I'm with Sherlock. Thanks for reminding me though." He snapped. What was she implying? That he should spend more time away from him by hanging out with her? That he should support his boyfriend more? And Sherlock couldn't tell him that himself? "What is it you're trying to tell me, Hooper?"

--

"Just you being here is the best help I can get at this moment." He smiled, his hands ruffled through Sherlock's hair. Then his eyes looked around the room once more. "I owe Mycroft for this." He nodded. "Not sure if it's a good thing to owe the British Government something." At this moment John was in a good state of mind, though things could easily change.

(( Though things could easily change... is that a menace? XDD ))

Molly looked at Jim sadly. "I am just trying to be your friend Jim, why are you being so defensive?" she muttered, her hands shaking nervously when she took out a pair of mugs.
"I was the only one who knew Sherlock was still alive... it wasn't easy to keep it from everyone... I am not very good at lying to begin with..."

She sighed as the kettle whistled. "Sherlock said there are a lot of things you two could do now... and that it's not sure you will stay in London... I was wondering what you want to do...?"

~~~~

Sherlock grinned at John's affectionate gesture, it was something they never did before his 'death', but it was also something he knew he could get used to.
"Don't worry about Mycroft... he owes me a lot after prattling on to Moriarty about me," he muttered, even though he couldn't help but think that now he should thank him for that.
They had broken John though, he couldn't be happy about his fake death at all, even though it brought him Jim.

"I'm not being defensive, I'm just not blurring out everything." he just simply replied.

Jim didn't want to be here, he didn't like the way their conversation was going. "Oh. OOooh. Now I get it." He grinned. "Sherlock asked you to figure out what I want because he can't seem to figure that out. I see. Oh that cheeky bastard." He was more talking to himself then to Molly.

"Well. It's not really your concern is it?" He said, already turning around on his heels.

--

John felt anger boiling up in his chest at the mention of Moriarty's name. He had never felt such a strong hate for anyone before. That insane jerk had tried to kill both him and his best friend. And he nearly succeeded. If John ever saw his face again he knew he'd beat the crap out of him, until he would stop moving. He could understand Sherlock wasn't one to do that, so he wasn't bringing the fact he didn't kill them at their meeting up again.

"Do you think we'll ever hear from him again? Moriarty that is?" He asked, staring at Sherlock.

Molly looked at him confused for a moment, then she slowly put the pieces together. "You think he asked me to talk to you?" she muttered and then laughed lightly. "Sherlock is extremely secretive, everything I know, I know it by chance, he would never tell me anything voluntairly... you know, I am not so bad deducing things myself..." Even though Jim had fooled her completely back then.
"I am just worried about him... he looked... so... worried..." she admitted with a shrug. "And I could worry about you as well if you would just let me be your friend..."

~~~~

Sherlock felt himself pale considerably at John's question, he wanted to tell him the truth, but he couldn't risk his friend having another panic attack.
This was flat-out lying though.
He took in a deep breath.
"There is a truce between us," he said simply, squeezing John's hand tight. "But I really don't want to talk about him now... we need you to get better... not to get angry or worked up..."
He looked at him seriously. "Just know that he's not going to hurt us any more..."

Jim wasn't really interested until Molly mentioned Sherlock's state of being. "Well of course he's worried. He has to tell his best friend he's shagging the enemy." Jim said squarely. What did she expect Sherlock would be like? Happy?

"Not to mention his friend is unstable as can be and he has no one but himself to blame." Of course Jim was to blame as well, but for some reason Sherlock just didn't entertain that possibility when it came down to John.

He laughed Molly's offer away: "I appreciate your concern, Hooper. But thanks." He politely said, though he wasn't walking away anymore.

--

"No. But that doesn't mean we're not going to hurt him right?" John joked, unaware of what his words were doing to Sherlock.

John then turned more serious, his hand sliding over Sherlock's arm, stroking it softly. "You know.. I felt so lonely when you were gone." He admitted, a bit ashamed of himself.

"Well, if he's worried now, imagine how hard things are going to get from now on..." she said, fixing the tea and settling the mug on the counter in front of Jim if he wanted to take advantage of it.

"He's not only worried about John... he's worried about you, he is scared you will go away if he makes the wrong decision, and he doesn't know which one is the wrong decision..." she explained with an hesitant smile.

"I know you don't need me, Jim... but we can still have a chat..."

~~~~

Sherlock's smile was very strained at John's words, even though he knew it was a joke.
"A truce's a truce..." he mumbled, hoping John would just drop the subject.
He wondered how long it was going to take before he could come here with Jim.
Would it happen at all?

He looked at John's hand on his arm, his body instinctively moving closer to the bed.
"I was going crazy away from home, John... I didn't think I was going to miss you so much..." he confessed in return. "You changed me... and I couldn't be the old me any more..."

Jim came to think about it. He hated to admit it to himself but Hooper was right. Sherlock was worried about that fact. He was worried about losing Jim and Jim was just as worried the same would happen. Something told him he'd lose Sherlock if John came back in his life, Jim would be left out. But John wouldn't survive with his best friend and Sherlock just won't let that happen.

"It's complicated." He muttered. Even he didn't knew the right thing to do. But Molly was right, thing were about to get a lot more complicated as well.

"Why would I have a chat with you? You're a stranger to me." He blurred out. "I don't need to throw my feelings and thoughts to just anyone, do I?" Jim had no idea why he found it so difficult to open up about this.

--

John felt a few tears falling down his face. Not sad tears, not happy tears, just tears. His hand still softly stroking over the other's arm. "I could easily say the same. I missed you every day, so much my mind and body could not take anymore." His arms now wrapping around Sherlock's neck.

"I know it is... especially considering John's feelings," she said cryptic, watching Jim as he didn't seem to be taking the tea.
She kept hers in her cold hands, sipping it slowly.

"It's just a chat to pass time... nothing else... it doesn't have to have a reason... I just wanted to see you again," she muttered amiably.

~~~~

Sherlock instinctively leaned in the hug, his arm moving around John's shoulders, moving comfortingly on his back.
"I tried... to lie to you... to tell you that what they said about me was true, that it was all an act... I wanted you to hate me... I thought it would be easier then, that you would get over me right away..."

He bit on his lower lip, trying to fight the tears as well. "But you just trusted me... you didn't believe the lies... not for one second... it was so hard to say goodbye... it broke my heart..."

"John's feelings?" Jim repeated probably a bit too quick and arrogant. What did molly meant by that? His feelings about the situation, or actual feelings for him, like Sebastian?

Jim finally came off leaning against the door opening and slowly walked in to the room, avoiding both eye contact and tea. Flamboyant he hopped on to the counter, crossing his legs and slightly leaning backwards.

"Did you missed me?" He asked, without a purpose. Molly did mention the fact she wanted to see Jim again, why would she? He used her, squeezed every bit of information out of her and yet still now, even after "killing" her crush, she still wanted to meet up. Her crush? Would she still secretly be obsessed with Sherlock?

--

By now the both of them were wrapped into an intense kind of hug. John's tears streaming down his face and he couldn't stop them.
"Of course I didn't believe you." He whispered, his fingertips brushing along the soft skin of Sherlock's neck where he kept his hands. "I think that might be why I ended up...like this." He admitted. He always knew something more was up, something he couldn't lie his fingers on. Something Sherlock never told him. "The fact I never gave up on you. I was unable to let go." He continued.

"But it's all good now, right Sherlock?" He tried, not letting himself fall down too deep into this mood. It would only trigger his instability more. "just stay this close." He whispered, enjoying every moment of it.

"Yes, of course, John is-" she stopped, realizing the slight surprise in the other's tone. For a moment she wondered whether it'd be a good idea to share her thoughts on the subject.
"You mean you haven't noticed? I just think no one drives himself crazy over a friend's death... John would never admit it, and I doubt Sherlock realized... But I have always thought they would end up together.."

She smiled when he came closer, he remembered the showoff part of him very well, he was just like Sherlock in that. "I did... You were fun to spend time with... Even though you weren't really interested..."

~~~~

Sherlock felt completely overwhelmed, he had gotten used to feelings, Jim had forced him to, but this was a whole different matter.
John was hurt, very hurt, and he didn't know how to make things better, even though there was nothing he wanted more.

"I will stay here everyday John, we'll get you back on your feet... I am going to need your nerves of steel if I start working again..." He pulled a bit away, eyes searching for John's. "It might be dangerous," he whispered with a tentative smile.

"In love?" He finished Molly's sentence himself. "No. No of course I didn't know. Sherlock always claimed it to be pure platonic friendship." He explained. Jealousy was already starting to heat up his chest area. Why did Molly wanted him to know? And why now? But of course, Sherlock would have been blind to this. "But how do you know? What makes you say?" He needed more information on this matter.

--

John smiled at Sherlock's words of reassurance. The idea of working again, being able to hoover around London looking for clues everywhere. The idea of coming home while Sherlock played one of his self written songs on the violin. Such an appealing idea.

As Sherlock pulled away John stared deep into the grey eyes of his best friend. The words he had just whispered made John shiver. "Well, you said dangerous and here I am." He whispered back. John could just kiss Sherlock at this very moment, just to feel him, to show him how much this meant. It was an impulsive need, but John forced it away. Instead he ran his hand over his sharp cheekbones, smiling.

"I don't believe anything ever happened between them," she said quickly and shrugged. "It's just... how close they are... how much John suffered after Sherlock's fake death, he has always preferred Sherlock to his girlfriends... and well... I heard from the doctors where he was staying at that he had quite heated dreams and delusions, and he always called out for Sherlock..."

Molly looked at Jim apologetic. "I might be wrong... but John's devotion to Sherlock seems quite past simple friendship..."

~~~~

Relief washed over Sherlock when he saw John's smile.
It was wonderful and he couldn't help grinning back.
He reached out his hand, brushing away the tears from his friend's face.

For a moment, he thought he saw John's eyes move to his lips, and a cold shiver run down his spine.
John wouldn't-
Of course he wouldn't. John didn't like him that way.
He relaxed, leaning towards the tender touch on his cheek.
"First your health though..."

"And of course I won't fit in." He muttered to himself. "And Sherlock?" He asked her, he needed to know. Jim didn't like this conversation, he just thought it was better to tell John as fast as possible about their relationship. He might take it bad now, but at least he'll stop being delusional.

--

John fought off the tears as good as possible. He didn't even know why he was crying.
"Yes. My health. See I'm already much better." He said. At the moment he could move mountains. He felt aright, even happy.

"You were their enemy... you don't exactly fit in either way," she said with a nervous shrug.

"Sherlock has changed... you changed him..." she muttered, and played with the mug in her hands. "I am rather sure he used to be in love with John... but now... well... he seems to be set on you, if I can read him correctly..."

She looked at Jim thoughtful. "But Sherlock owes John a lot, I think he'd still do anything to protect him, even sacrifice his own happiness..."

~~~~

Sherlock couldn't help the soft laugh. "Yes, except that you are crying," he muttered, and moved his hand to rest on his shoulder.

"One step at a time," he said, hopeful. "Just... remember to take it easy..."

"There's nothing to protect him from anymore." He snapped at Molly. Why was she telling him this? What did it mattered? Jim always said Sherlock would leave him for John, but Sherlock also always replied that would never happen. And now Jim started to doubt Sherlock's words.

"I don't want to hear this no more. All you do is fuck with my mind and let me tell you something Molly Hooper." Jim hopped of the counter and was now standing dangerously close to molly, his eyes drilling in to hers. "I do not like that." He hissed. Then he turned around and walked towards the door. Quickly jim glanced over his shoulder; "thanks for tea." He said before running off.

--

"But they're no sad tears." John quickly brushed them away with the back of his hand. He must have looked so stupid, just sitting there, crying. "Taking it easy, right. But my body and mind feel lighter today. As if the weight that was crushing them is gone. All because of you, Sherlock." John explained.

Molly's heart jumped in her chest when Jim became clearly annoyed, she knew she had pushed the wrong button. It had not been her intention though and she scrambled to find the right words to make things right.
"I am not trying to mess with you!" she protested, and frowned visibly. "I am trying to help you! I am telling you Sherlock feels responsible for John, he will put him first if you ask him to choose. But not because he doesn't love you! He just thinks his happiness is not as important as everyone else's."

She tried to follow him to the door. "If you want things to work between you two, you have to be patient with Sherlock... if you do that he will always come back to you," she said even though Jim was already walking away.

~~~~

"I am glad I was helpful. It's the least I can do... considering I caused this..." he said, instinctively fumbling with John's hair.

"Would you like me to call the nurse? I am vaguely aware it should be lunch time," he said, looking at John appraisingly. "You have lost a few pounds..."

Jim was rather upset with the words he'd just heard. A part of him wanted to storm into John's room and get on with everything. John would be in pain now, but he will get over it later. Sherlock keeps procrastinating with what purpose? John health? His own feelings? And what about with the fact John will accuse Sherlock for keeping it from it all that time?

The other part told Jim to stay calm and patient. Something that was the complete opposite of what he'd rather do. But he wanted to let Sherlock solve this the way he wanted, and he actually wanted to be a support for him.

Going to his hotelroom now would only drive him up the walls, so Jim decided to head into the city, perhaps buying a new phone.

--

"I'm not really hungry." John protested. Sherlock was right, he barely ate in the last 3 years. Just enough to keep him going without fainting. His ribs were visible under his skin, something that never happened to him before. He just didn't felt like, eating was option not a priority.

Sherlock looked at John for a long time, before he decided what to say. "John, you need to put a bit of meat on your bones... remember? You used to be the one who always instisted I had full and regular meals!" he muttered, and stroke his hand in John's hair.

"Will you eat for me?" he asked hopefull.

Jim hovered around Oxford Street for some time. It got dull pretty quickly though. Molly's words played in loops in his head and it was driving him crazy. After he bought a new phone, he had nowhere left to go. He could wait outside of John's door; but it could be hours before his boyfriend would leave there. He sighed and decided to just text Sherlock.

Got a new phone. John's better yet?
JM.

and right after that one another one.

PS: I miss you. X.

--

John stared back at Sherlock, just simply looking at his best friend made him feel better at the moment.

"I don't like the hospital food." He protested, but Sherlock knew damn well how to manipulate him. Even after all this time.

"Fine." He muttered. "For you."

Sherlock grinned when John agreed to eat something, he couldn't help but feel smug about convincing him. "Good, thank you John... I promise I will bring you better food tomorrow! For today you'll have to be satisfied by what they have."

He heard his phone beep and took it out of his pocket. "Hold on a moment."
He smiled as he read Jim's message.

He seems to be in a better mood today. Still freaks out when I mention you. But I was thinking about mentioning I have a boyfriend by the end of today.
I miss you too.
A lot. -SW

He put his phone away as he sent the message.
"I'll call the nurse then?"

Jim smiled at reading his boyfriend's reply. Not about the fact John was better, but about the fact Sherlock was already going to tell him he has a boyfriend. Though jim could only imagine John's reaction. If Molly were right, this should be an arrow straight through his heart. Even before knowing his biggest enemy is the one Sherlock hooked up with.

-- text--
Goodluck. JM. Xx

--

John watched as Sherlock smiled towards his phone, this never happened? Unless he had a case and received some vague text from a serial killer. John decided to not stick his nose in to it just yet, it might always be mycroft sending some stupid comment making Sherlock laugh at him.

"Hm. Yes, you do that." He said, still a bit pissed off he was being forced to eat. Ironically, he used to be the one forcing his friend into eating...

Sherlock was starting to think that things could really be heading to get better, he was looking forwards to having his old dear John back and possibly solve a few cases. He wondered if Jim would help out.
He didn't want to think about that, he couldn't help but worry about Jim's place in his life.

"Good, let me go see if there's anyone in the corridor," he muttered, standing up too quickly and grimacing at the pain that shot through his backside.
Oh right. He forgot about that.

He stretched his shoulders a bit, and braced himself, limping to the door and trying hard to make it seem like he was walking perfectly.