Coping (John/Sebastian)

John looked at him serious for a moment, then he burst out laughing. "The only thing that comes to my mind is sex, that's the only not boring subject I know," he said, shaking his head. "But I don't think we are drunk enough yet to brag about epic shags we had..."

"You really shouldn't ask me for ideas, I am an awfully boring person," he commented, and poured himself another drink. "I mean, I had to sneak into a pub fight that was not mine to get a bit of excitement, I am not well off..."

"I'm sure if we were to start bragging, it would be quite funny in a way. You're possibly older than me so you've probably had more relationships, I'm guessing."

Sebastian laughed at remembering the fight, having thought it very entertaining. Not to mention John interrupting. "Maybe you should have picked a fight with someone else in the bar. I almost ended up knocking you out unconscious as well if I hadn't have realised what you were doing." he said, filling another glass. "But I suppose if you hadn't have interfered, my hand would be pretty sore." he added, grinning.

"Mm, too many to count indeed, but never with the right person," he muttered sadly. "Besides, no one brags about relationships, those are boring, one usually brags about epic shags in unusual places, or such," he commented, downing another shot.

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure you would be able to beat me, you know, I am small, but I can fight," he protested, his eyes sparkling slightly. "It's a change not to be drinking on my own tonight, so I am glad I decided to help you... I don't know, there is something about you..."

"I'm sure I could still beat you. You're a good fighter, yes but I've experienced more. And worse." he argued back, smirking.

Sebastian took the other shot, quite curious with what the other man had last said. There was something about him apparently? Strange. "What do you mean? Explain. It would be easier for me to understand what you're talking about."

"You've experienced more? I've been in war longer than you have!" he protested with a grin. "And I have done... things... in London as well..." he muttered, suddenly reminded of his fight with the Golem.

"Explain, you say..." he looked at Sebastian for a long moment. "I don't want to offend you by assuming things... but it looks like..." he hesitated, he didn't want Sebastian to get angry again for some reason. "It looks like you aren't that happy of being alive... like you want to destroy yourself, or you want to desperately forget something... or better... someone," he muttered, licking his lips.
"I am the same."

"Of course I have. I just know it. You've been in the war longer but here, in London, I've worked and done worse things than in the ar-" he cut short, closing his mouth quickly. He had said too much. Sebastian couldn't believe he had just come out with a small part of something no one knew about. He was sure John would be able to figure out what he had meant.

"That's... not true." he added hastily as the other man explained, lowering his eyes to his glass which was shaking slightly from his nerves. Or possibly anger. He couldn't tell.

John's eyebrow rose in surprise when Sebastian started talking, it seemed his pride had made him slip up. "I don't think I want to know," he commented, it was rather clear Sebastian was some kind of criminal, because surely he was not a policeman, and he didn't seem deft enough to be in secret services.

He didn't believe the rest of the words, but he noticed the hand shaking around his glass and he knew what it meant. He poured another shot for them both and decided not to push. "Alright, I was wrong then, it happens... I am not good with deductions anyway..." he muttered, and the words alone were able to make his heart clench. "My best friend died two years ago and I still wish I could have died at his place..." Except Sherlock had killed himself, which made things even harder. Sometimes he still couldn't believe it had happened.

Sebastian decided not to say any more, just in case he happened to give away more things. This was probably one of the reasons why he didn't socialize much. Someone would find out eventually and he really didn't want that to happen.

"I lost a friend about two years ago myself." he muttered, relieved John could share some of his pain. "I saw him... it was horrible."

Sebastian tried shaking the thought out of his head but it stayed there, clear as anything. Now really wasn't the time to get emotional or sentimental about it. He drank down the other shot, his hand still dangerously shaking before he glanced back up at John.

((Are we pretending there was some Johnlock and MorMor moments involved before this? xD Just wondering...))

John was surprised to hear Sebastian admit to his own experience, it hurt, but at the same time he felt he wasn't alone any more.

"I saw it too... my friend... he jumped from a building... I could do nothing to save him," he whimpered, he didn't realize his voice was shaking.
He rubbed his right eye instinctively, feeling it water a bit.

"I still have nightmares about it..."


((I would think yes, but it's up to you what you prefer for your character's past ^^ ))

"Jumped... from a... building?"

That sentence somehow seemed to make something trigger in his mind. Sebastian couldn't remember what it was but it was certainly familiar, it seemed. He ignored the thought, thinking it was just a silly coincidence.

"My friend shot himself..."

((I think it would make it more interesting I suppose. The more gay the better! xD))

John groaned, burying his face in his hands for a moment. It still hurt after all this time, it was like something was eating at his heart and he could hardly breathe.
It was ironic to say the least, to know that he had been right, that they had something in common, something terrible.

"How do you manage..." he mumbled, rubbing his frown before he sat back again. "How do you manage to go on?"
He looked at the ceiling. "Because I can't... I don't seem to be able to."

((I agree XDD ))

"Honestly, I don't know." he muttered miserably, feeling his own pain swell up.

Sebastian followed John's eyes to the ceiling before resting them back on the other man's face. He actually felt quite sorry for him. Even for himself in a way. He wasn't used to seeing someone other than himself mourn over a friend. John seemed to remind him of himself.

((So, if this was a ship, what would it be called? xD I can't think of anything other than Morson xD))

John felt the other's eyes on him, and he looked down, realizing only then that the alcohol was starting to have an effect on him. He felt a long shiver run up his spine, in those eyes, there was the same pain he felt. "I know it's selfish, but I really thought no one could understand what I feel," he muttered, somehow relieved by the fact he could indeed relate to someone.

"I really wish there was a way to forget, you know..." he sighed and bit on his lower lip. "Even though I don't want to forget him..."

((XDD Morson sounds about right XDD Sebon is horrible XDD Watran nope XDD JoSeb XDD ))

Sebastian filled his glass as he spoke, his hand uncontrollably shaking now. "Well, I do. As far as I know anyway." he mumbled, taking the shot and setting it down heavier than intended to.

The glass shattered in his trembling hand and he sighed, annoyed with himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. "Shit... sorry." he muttered, not bothering to move the broken shards of glass away. At least the bandage had prevented Sebastian from cutting himself again.

John started at the sound of the glass shattering, he instinctively moved closer, taking Sebastian's wrist.
"Careful," he muttered, and the tension made his hand become stable. He leaned over the table and started taking the shards away one by one, piling them on the wood. "I don't want them to get under the bandage, that would be a pain to say the least," he muttered, blue eyes looking up for a moment.

"Don't apologize, I understand... you have no idea how many things I broke the last two years," he said with a sad smile.

Sebastian watched John take the glass from his hand for the second time in less than an hour that night, quite ashamed and irritated with himself. He hadn't felt so vulnerable in a long while.

He said nothing, nodding to show he was listening. Sebastian was happy at least to say in the company of the other man. At least there was someone he could talk to, feel the same pain with.

His fingers wrapped loosely around Sebastian's wrist, he could fell the warmth of his skin, the beat of his heart, a heart that was as hurt as his.
Or maybe not quite.
He had loved Sherlock more than he had loved any of his girlfriends after all. It was easier to admit it now that he had lost him. Now that he could do nothing about it.

"Have you found anything that makes the pain better?" He asked, once he was finished, his hand still around his wrist, he didn't think about moving away.

Sebastian stared at John's hand still around his wrist for a few seconds before looking up and making eye contact again. He didn't bother to pull away, it somehow felt reassuring, comforting.

"Not really, no... I suppose a few things." he replied, almost tempted to say revenge. Destroying things, people... murder.

Sebastian was obviously going to keep it to himself. Even after parting from Jim and his job, he still didn't feel safe enough to talk about it. Anyone could hear and know. There was possibly people out there somewhere, hunting him and the rest of them down. Sebastian was one of the few who had not changed his name and fled. He had managed to stay quiet and hidden this long, he wouldn't be telling anyone. Even John.

"A few things?" he repeated, looking up, not even realizing his fingers were moving farther on the other's arm. Sebastian didn't seem to want to elaborate, so he reckoned it had to be something violent.
"You are very mysterious... I like it," he said, and finally pulled away, realizing he must have looked like a creep, feeling him up like that.
He was desperate for human contact, he realized.

"What about your wife? Your family? Do they understand?" he asked, wondering if this man had anything of what people called a normal life.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow to John, staring at him curiously and wondering why the other man thought him mysterious. Of all the words Sebastian could be described as--there were definitely far worse than that--he had gone with mysterious. It almost made him laugh.

Sebastian nearly choked when John had mentioned a wife and family. At this he did laugh, clutching a stitch in his side. "A wife? That would definitely be a no. Relationships aren't really my sort of thing. How about yourself?" he asked, having cheered up a bit.

John couldn't help smiling when he saw the other laugh, he knew he was technically laughing at him, at what he said, but he didn't mind that much.
"Relationships aren't your thing you say? Does it mean you only have one night stands, or you are actually asexual?" he asked teasing, shaking his head a bit when he was asked the question back.

"I tried. Not my thing I guess," he looked to the side for a moment. "I think I lost the person I could have easily spent my whole life with..."

"Usually I would have one night stands. I'm not very interested. No, what I meant was, relationships don't usually work out for me anyway. I'm not the nicest person to be around when I get annoyed." he hinted, grinning with the amusement. "Or else if I was with someone, I'd get interrupted..."

Sebastian reached over to pat John's back reassuringly, giving him a small sympathetic smile. "I'm sure you'll find someone else eventually."

John laughed a bit: "I am sure you can be very scary when you are angry," he commented, but John didn't seem very frightened. "You just need to find someone who can defend themselves..."

"Get interrupted?" he asked, not sure what Sebastian was talking about.

He rolled his eyes at the reassuring gesture, he didn't think the strange man would even try to comfort him, it was unexpected. "I am not looking... I like sex, but relationships are... boring," he admitted, sighing. Everything was boring to him nowadays. "And I don't go along with girls any more..."

Sebastian laughed at John's confusion, knowing he would have to explain. "Interrupted, yes. If I ever went out with someone, I would get so many messages and missed phone calls from that other friend I was talking to you about. He thought it was hilarious." he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Always wanted the attention drawn to him."

Sebastian considered what John had said and thought about it, not sure how to reply. "I'm guessing you're gay then?" he asked, watching him closely.

John looked at him, his heart beating faster in his chest. "My friend as well," he whispered, the memories were flooding him now, but for the first time in a long time, they were happy memories, happy as they could be at least. "Once he even invited himself to one of my dates," he commented with a laugh.
Oh God, he missed him so much.

The question made John freeze, the smile falling from his lips, and his whole body tensed. "Not really... I..." he frowned, turning determined, who cared if Sebastian decided to beat him up, John knew how to defend himself! "I might be, yes, I've been around... is that a problem?" he muttered, his own eyes turning dark as they looked into Sebastian's pair.