Coping (John/Sebastian)

To hear Sebastian explain the plan made him feel even more miserable, it was true, Sherlock had jumped to save him.
Not the only one though, Sherlock had jumped to... protect his friends.

He buried his face in his hands, guilt filling his lungs and making it harder to breathe.
"I can't believe it..."

Sebastian pointedly kept his gaze on the table-in order to prevent making eye contact. He wasn't quite sure what to say about everything and he definitely didn't want to express his feelings to someone he hardly liked.

Sebastian remained silent, his thoughts clouded. Sherlock had jumped to prevent his friends from getting killed, Jim had shot himself. For what? To prove something? He hadn't told Sebastian hardly anything but clear instructions. Nothing more.
It all didn't make much sense.

John had no idea for how long he sat there in silence, his mind in the past. He shook himself after a while though and looked at the other man there, what had happened the night before coming back in full force.
He had sex with a man, he had sex with a professional killer.

"I'll warm up your breakfast," he muttered, standing up and taking the plates back to the kitchen.
"Will you eat it?" he asked, not sure Sebastian wanted to be here at all.

Sebastian sat motionless at the table, not sure how he should react. Even the thought of violence didn't lighten his mood. If Jim had still been alive, clearly he wouldn't have approved of Sebastian having sex with John Watson.
He was practically the enemy.

He shook his head when asked a question-his appetite long gone-focusing on the wall now, his thoughts somewhere else. It was insane now he knew who the other man was. They both had a very big thing in common.
His first intention was to kill John now and then but he couldn't seem to make himself. Either it was the fact he didn't care any more or he just couldn't be bothered. Initially, Sebastian would have killed him in the past at any chance he got but now it didn't seem to matter any more.

((Brace yourself for John's perfect logic))

John sighed when Sebastian shook his head, he went to the kitchen and threw away their breakfast.
He didn't think he was going to work today anyway, it just felt like nothing had a meaning any more.

"So. Are you going to kill me for the hell of it?" he asked, and laughed dryly. "'Cause otherwise we could just have sex again, that would take our minds off things..." he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest as he motioned to the bedroom. "I am bloody tired of brooding about the past... and it's just sex, who cares who you are..."

((*gets blown away by the logic* xD))

"True, but I care who you are. I don't just normally have sex with people I try to kill... it's weird." he said, finally looking back at John with a grim expression. Why couldn't John have been someone else? It would have made this a whole lot easier.
Except everything had to be complicated and annoying.
But nothing seemed to matter any more.

"And no, I'm not planning on killing you..."

(( XDD ))

John laughed at the other man's words. "Can't be weirder than working for the most dangerous man in the world," he pointed out and walked towards him.

"You aren't planning on it, very well, and what do you think we should do now? Exchange happy memories of the past? I don't think so... you have a choice, you can fuck me again or you can go, I refuse to dwell on all that again, or I will end up killing myself by the end of the week."

"There's nothing weird about working for Jim." he snapped defensively, his eyes narrowing in a glare at John for a few seconds before he decided to ignore what the other man had said completely.
"Don't push it, or I will kill you." he added, his eyes boring into the other's and changing the subject.

"Very submissive, aren't you?" he asked with a slight grin, cocking his head to the side as he looked John up and down, considering his offer; or rather, choice.

"Jim?" a new realization hit him in that moment. Sebastian hadn't only worked with Moriarty, he had been in love with him! Just like he had been in love with Sherlock! "You mean... your friend who died is-? Jesus..." he commented and looked at him weirdly, how could someone love such a psycho? He shook his head, he wasn't exactly better off, Sherlock had no doubt been a dangerous individual, but he had been good, he had been human.

He looked at Sebastian challenging as he clearly was weighting his options. "I am not," he commented, and sighed. "I am just desperate to forget, and last night was the first time in ages I hadn't thought about Sherlock... it felt nice."

"Yes... Jim." he said the name fondly, probably having been the only person who could understand him and cope with his inaneness best. Apart from Sherlock of course, although they had only met a few times before both men had committed suicide. Jim had definitely been the most insane, psychopathic person Sebastian had ever met, only making him love and be able to relate to him more than anyone.

"I thought you were sore enough." he joked, suppressing a scowl at the mention of Sherlock's name. He had never liked him and had always hated Jim's 'obsession' over the man. Jealousy had never been something he was good at controlling.

John growled at Sebastian's words. "Listen, will you make up your mind?" he snapped, losing his patience completely. "As I mentioned, I do not want to stay here and chat..."

He walked around nervously. "I am sore, whatever, it's not like you have to be bloody gentle with me, you are not my boyfriend..." he continued, walking towards the bedroom.
"Just move your ass, either to come with or to leave, I'll just have a shower in the meantime."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows at John's orders, not having expected it to suddenly come out of the other man. He hadn't thought he'd have it in him much. Even if he had been a soldier.
"I said nothing about being gentle." he noted, knowing John had only been making a statement. "And I'm definitely not your boyfriend."

Being the stubborn person he was, he stayed seated and watched John for another few minutes, only to annoy him further for the entertainment. "Fine." he muttered after a while, getting up and walking past John into the bedroom.

By then John had thought Sebastian was going to leave, so he was rather surprised to see him get to his bedroom before him.
"This is just sex," he pointed out, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to make that point with himself or with Sebastian.

Then he moved closer, pushing the door to close with a slam behind him as he tackled the man to the bed.
He would call in sick later, he was sure Sarah was going to understand.

((This seems like a good ending for the scene, don't you think? We could skip ahead in time with this one? Like jump to after a few months when they have feelings for each other? We could imply that they started having sex regularly? Like Seb coming to him randomly in the middle of the night whenever he was in the mood for it? And we can start it again saying that recently they meet more often and we see how it goes from there?))

((Yeah, I like the sound of that idea. So how would you like to start the next part? Maybe I should start or would you rather if you have something in mind? On the other hand, the idea of them figuring out they have feelings for each other sounds great.))

((You could start with Sebastian knocking on John's door like, only two days after the last time they had sex, because he really wants to see him maybe, you can imply that they met like once a week, or once every two weeks in the few months before, and then we see how it goes from there... John is bound to be in love with Seb after a few months of casual but regular shagging, but that doesn't mean he will admit it XD we can see how it goes from there? Maybe John had someone ask him out at work and Seb can be jealous, or something XD Or maybe John is with someone when Seb arrives? Like just a girl or boy from his job coming to ask for advice, but Seb misunderstands and gets all jealous and possessive? XD))

Sebastian was in his flat, bored as he normally was nowadays and without a clue of what he could do to entertain himself at least. Nothing seemed to come to mind.
There wasn't even anything good to watch on TV at the moment either.
Everything was so dull now without having a job any more, tactless and non fascinating as it had been for a long time.

It had been only five days since he had last seen of John Watson, someone he hadn't realised to be him in the first place. When he had found out, it had obviously caused a bit of shock, considering their backgrounds. But Sebastian couldn't help feeling a somewhat liking towards the man.
Then a thought occurred to him: John. Surely he wouldn't mind if Sebastian went to visit him? Probably not, considering he had a kind nature to him, something Sebastian wasn't fairly used to in people he knew or had known.

After considering the thought, he made his way out of the flat and towards John's, reaching it in less than an hour. There was quite a distance between both flats and especially if you were to walk.
He eventually made it to John's floor and stepped out of the lift, making his way in the direction he had memorised from their last encounter. It only took him a few seconds to reach the door he was looking for and knocked on it once, waiting for someone to answer. Nothing happened. Again, Sebastian knocked louder this time and waited, but still no one came to the door. Feeling agitated that he had come at a bad time, Sebastian had no intention of making his way back to his own flat. He'd simply wait on John to come back, whether he liked it or not.

Sebastian looked around to make sure no one was coming and out of suspicion ask him what he was doing before starting to fumble at the lock-something he had done many times-with his pocket knife he usually carried around, something that always came in handy at some point. He finally managed to get it and pushed his way through, stepping into the flat and closing the door behind him. There was definitely no one in telling by the unnatural silence, nothing stirring which suited him perfectly.
Not bothered after practically breaking into someone else's flat, Sebastian made his way into the living room and sat down, making himself comfortable as if he owned the place and waited for John to return, no matter how long it took.

((I wrote too much. xD))

It had been almost a week and John was trying not to think about the fact that he had been fucked by Sebastian Moran. More than once.
When they went back to his room that time, they didn't re-emerge until it was dark outside and his butt felt completely numb.

It still made him smile to think about it.

It was crazy though. Sebastian was an assassin and as much as John was open minded, there was just something wrong with the whole concept.
Sebastian was the one who had to kill him if Sherlock hadn't jumped.

He frowned, no, he couldn't think about that.
Sherlock was still a taboo subject in his head, it still made him want to jump off a building himself.

John wasn't expecting to find a light in his apartment when he came home that night.
He looked at the door, and actually, he did remember locking it that morning.

"What the-?" he whispered, his hand instinctively going for his gun, but of course he wasn't wearing it.

He took his old cane from the umbrella stand, waving it in front of him like some sort of weapon and walked into the living room.

His eyes widening when he found Sebastian leisurely seated on his favorite armchair.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, and shook his head in disbelief, laughing. "You had to break in, didn't you?"

Sebastian had clearly heard John come in, it hadn't been hard to miss since he had been sitting quietly and motionless, quite bored as he waited for the other man to return. Probably from work, he guessed.

He should have expected John to suspect a burglar or someone who had broken in-he hadn't been wrong apart from the fact that Sebastian obviously wasn't going to steal anything or even try to.
"I thought I would come over." he said, just as casually as if John had invited him there in the first place and he had forgotten.

He stayed seated and simply stared back at the other, grinning at having gotten in his flat so easily. It wasn't the first time he had done the same thing.
"I didn't have to break in... I just did."

"I can tell," he said, moving his eyes on the other's body, feeling his own react without his consent. It was impossible not to think about what had happened between them the last time Sebastian was here. Instinctively he looked at his hands, there were no bandages, it meant they were fine, he hoped they were fine.

"It's a bit impolite to break in in people's apartment, you know..." he joked, walking closer. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked then, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Since when am I ever polite?" he asked, more to himself; he had never been one for manners. Most of the time he just couldn't be bothered.
John didn't seem to be annoyed about the fact Sebastian had broken into his flat, it was all rather normal as if the two men had planned this to happen beforehand.

"I just felt like coming to see you, I don't see much of a problem in that." he replied airily, looking the other man up and down carefully as he came closer and wondering if he still had the scars from the last time they had been together -the thought of it making him grin.

"I wouldn't know really, I don't know you that well..." he said, and walked even closer. "But I am sure you can be polite with the right probing," he muttered with a smirk, it was impossible for John not to think about what had happened only a week before.

"I do not have a problem with that, I was just wondering whether you had ulterior motives," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know... maybe you might want to kill me today..."

Sebastian smirked, watching the other man move closer yet again and imagining the idea of himself being polite. It probably wouldn't seem like himself at all although he could be nice if he wanted to. Politeness on the other hand, seemed a bit much for someone who never was or never intended to be.
"Maybe I can, but I just don't want to be."

"I haven't got any intention of killing you, not today anyway..." he joked, laughing slightly and after having tried to forget the thought of him having to kill John a few years ago. He wasn't planning on going into that conversation again.

"That's more likely," he said, and leaned a bit towards him. "But maybe I can make you?" he said with a low voice, his chest vibrating as the sound seeped through it. "You look like someone who likes being ordered around just as much as overpowering people, or am I wrong?"

He laughed a bit at the other's words. "Lucky today as well," he said, placing his hands on his sides. "So what did you have in mind after you'd met me? Want some afternoon tea maybe?" he asked sarcastic.

"I'd like to see you try." he taunted him, grinning playfully. How John sussed out Sebastian liked being ordered around by others, even he couldn't tell. Maybe it was just noticeable or easy to tell? But it was true, even the part about dominating others as well. "How did you-?" he cut off, shaking his head in disbelief.

"What did I have in mind? Hmm... well, first of all I wanted to visit you again and second, well, I haven't planned anything yet so we can just see what happens. What about yourself?" he asked back, sitting up straighter and gazing back at John intently.

John grinned at him, "I know you would," he replied and took another step, he was pretty much standing in between the other man's legs then. "You are very easy to read Sebastian... and I am really good at giving orders, I used to be a captain," he said with a smirk, placing his hands on the other's shoulders and massaging them slowly.

"Oh, a social visit, is it? Is that how you visit your friends? By breaking into their flats?" he joked, and his eyes were flashing oddly as he looked back at him. "And here I thought you wanted me again, what a disappointment..."