Solitary, miserable and misunderstood.

John's jaw fell when Adam exclaimed his conclusion, he couldn't believe they were still talking about sex, his cheeks now permanently red.
"I haven't said that," he protested, and tried really hard not to check Adam out. It was wrong, he was under his care now, he was not supposed to think about him in that way, especially in the condition he was in.

He shook his head at the words, sighing, "That's not true, I do like you, Adam, but sex is a complicated thing," he commented and bit on his lower lip nervously, the truth was, he had no idea how to explain it either.

"I think, first of all, you need a shower yes, and we'll talk about the rest later," he commented, patting Adam's arm softly.

John's words made little sense to Adam and after a moment he thought he had it figure out. "Love." He said. "You meant love. Not like." And with those words he smiled at John who seemed to be leaving the room. Perhaps it was better to talk about these things another time, if John said so.

He began to undress, throwing his clothes across the room. After taking his time with getting to know the toilet, the sink and soap, he was ready to step inside the shower.

It seemed easy, all he had to do was turn the red tap on and...Adam squeaked loud and gulped for air. A stream of ice cold water washed over him and seconds later it turned dangerously hot. He didn't understand, John had done the same thing.

So he tried again. This time only hot water streaming down on him. Accidentally he hit the blue tap and the water cooled down. Now he understood, he had to mix red and blue. Yes, this felt good. Extraordinary good.

He had at least been under the shower for 30 minutes, used up 2 bottles of soap and a bottle of shampoo. It smelled so good and the foam was entertaining. When his excitement faded a bit, he turned off both taps and stepped out.

Without drying off he picked up his dirty clothes again. It was all he had to cover himself up so he pulled up his trousers, leaving his shirt there. Adam looked down on his wounds. They appeared pink and the bruises had gone purple over the night. He knew they'd be visible for a couple more days, but by now he was used to looking bruised scarred.

"John I am ready." He said as he stepped out of the bathroom, leaving it as a wet mess.

"Yes, the best is always to have sex with someone you love, but I am afraid it's not that easy," he commented, nodding at Adam before he stepped out of the bathroom.
For a while, he waited in front of the door, but then he made his way back to Sherlock's room, so to find a few clothes Adam could use.

There wasn't much left in the wardrobe, but just looking in it made John feel sick. Looking at some of the clothes tied a knot in his stomach and he had to discard them, eventually he came out with things that were usable and in good condition.

He rushed towards the bathroom when Adam called out, grimacing when he saw him wet and back in his old clothes.
"Jesus," he exclaimed, shaking his head. "You need to dry yourself first... and those clothes really, I think we should throw them away," he muttered, going inside the bathroom and grabbing a towel.

"Here, take off those, get all dry, and then you can put on the clothes I picked for you, they are on your bed..."

Adam smiled proud at John when he came walking around the corner. He did felt proud. He felt different in a lot of ways actually. As if he was reborn again. So fresh and clean, he couldn't stop smelling his own arm.

His smile got wiped away when John made a comment about his clothing. He looked down at his trousers. They were old, ragged and dirty. "Throw them away? Can't you use the machine to make them clean again?" Adam asked as he accepted the tower John handed him. Shamelessly he slid down his trousers, dropping them on the floor.

He was dry on no time and dropped the towel next to his clothes on the floor. Stark naked he went back to his bedroom, smiling as he saw the clothes folded onto his bed. He liked them, they looked nice and decent, nothing compared to the one's he had been wearing for oh so long now.

As he was fully clothed again he walked back into the kitchen. "What do you think, John?" He smiled, he felt so normal, so human.

John turned around quickly when Adam dropped his trousers, realizing quite suddenly that the man did not use pants. He closed his eyes, resisting his curiosity, knowing that especially after their conversation earlier, he could not afford to slip up. Adam was so naive, John didn't want to corrupt him, nor complicate things between them.

He wanted to know though, how he was made, how he could work so well, it was amazing, that was sure.
As a doctor, John wanted to see, explore and touch.
As a man though, he knew he couldn't, he couldn't treat him like an experiment, and he couldn't touch him. Adam was the closest thing he had had to a friend in a few years and he couldn't take things too quickly, or worse, ruin them from the start by doing something as stupid as involving sex.
And he was weak, as a man, John was very weak.

"I can, but I doubt they'll be decent... we can keep them though, if you are attached to them," he muttered in reply, not very impressed by the state of Adam's clothes, he was finally moving in the opposite direction, trying to ignore the amount of flesh on show.

When finally Adam came out, dressed nicely in Sherlock's trousers and shirt, John couldn't help his heart from clenching again.
"You look very good," he said with a bit of a sad smile, overwhelmed by memories. "I am glad they fit, you can keep them..."

Adam had never felt like this before. He felt clean, normal, human. Was this all it took? One good person? One person to believe he wasn't just an experiment. He felt proud for even being able to look this way and for a moment he wondered if this was what other's called happiness.

"Thank you." Adam blushed a little at John's words. He looked down on himself, yes John was right, he did look very good. Adam remembered the conversation they had earlier. He remember John mentioning.. Sherlock?.. Yes, these were Sherlock's clothes.

"Won't Sherlock need them?" He asked as John offered him to keep them. "I don't want to cause trouble. I'll wear my trousers again after you put them in the machine!" He smiled, even though he already liked these clothes better.

John grimaced at the mention of Sherlock, he wasn't keen on speaking about it, but he also wanted to give Adam an explanation. "Sherlock doesn't live here any more, he took all he wanted with him to his new home, and he's not coming back, there might be a reason why he has left them, maybe because he doesn't like them any more," he muttered, shrugging one shoulder.

"We are not talking at the moment, so I really doubt he'd care about this," he added, motioning for Adam to come to the living room. "Once you'll be well, we'll get you some new clothes and those will be only yours," he muttered, moving to make himself another tea. He needed it.

Adam might not know much about things, but he did had a special sense for picking up on (sad) feelings. Perhaps because he always had felt them this intense as well. He knew what they were like, they were the only things he had. So when John's face changed, he knew the other man wasn't as comfortable any more.

"Thank you!" He smiled, He was of course very thankful and happy John had given him these clothes. But it stung him to know it had made John sad. He wanted to help, but had no idea how. So he followed John into the living room and sat himself down on the sofa as he was motioned to do.

"Why don't you talk?" He eventually asked. He was naturally curious, wanting to know the reason behind every little thing. "Is it because he has moved and left you alone?"

Is it because he has moved and left you alone?

The question stinging more than he would admit.
Yes, he was alone.
And yes, it hurt.
And yes, it was because Sherlock had left him.
It was much more than that.

He nodded, staring almost viciously at the kettle as he waited for it to boil. He had tried hard not to think about all this in the last few days, but somehow he knew he had to face it now.

"I was in love with him and he chose someone else, someone who-" he bit on his lower lip, not even sure why he was saying those things to Adam. He was a stranger after all, he had no idea whether he would understand, whether he would even accept John was not exactly straight. He couldn't stop though, words spilling from his lips before he could think twice. "Someone who has hurt me a lot in the past. Someone who has hurt a lot of people in the past."

There was an awkward silence Adam had never experienced before. It was as if he could feel the silence surround him and he didn't like it. "John?" He said, looking up at him to see John nodding.

He listened to the story with great interest. Somehow it all felt familiar to him and so he stood up and walked over to the kitchen. His hand reached up and fell down on John's shoulder in a comforting way. "Two guys can love each other?" He asked. "I always thought you needed a woman." The same sex thing didn't scared him off though, it just never been explained to him.

"I know what it is like. Having someone taken away by another person. A person who has hurt a lot." He said, thinking back about the time his creator had made him a girl, but killed it before he had even brought it to live decently. He had loved that girl, even though it had been only 5 minutes. Or perhaps he had just fell in love with the image of her, the image of having some created just for him.

"I used to take revenge on people who hurt me." Adam began. "But you don't seem to do so. Which is good. I learned it's not good and I tried to do it. But it's hard. So I envy you for living with the pain you seem to feel." His voice sounded soft and sweet and he stroked his hand hand over John's sleeve as he talked. He had seem people do this before while trying to comfort someone, so he mirrored their actions.

John smiled at the question, he didn't really know how to answer, he had no idea how it worked either, he had always been so sure he wasn't gay. "One can love whoever he wants, sometimes it's just about how similar you are, or how different, regardless of their sex," he muttered, starting when he felt the touch on his arm. He looked up to see Adam's concerned eyes. "Often you do not really choose who you fall in love with though," he whispered, looking away when he felt chills run up his spine.

Adam was touching him, comforting, his voice was soft, lower than any voice he had ever heard before, and it felt different. John wasn't sure how to react to that, he wanted to pull away, scared of what he was feeling, but he also liked it, and God knew how much he needed comfort at the moment.

"Revenge? You?" he exclaimed, surprised, he had truly thought the man was impervious to negative feelings, he had thought he was naive and innocent, but here he was confessing of taking revenge, something John had never done in his life.

"I don't know any other way to be, Adam, I am trying to forget about it..." he swallowed hard. "It's not his fault I cannot make him happy, and I want him to be happy..." he muttered, realizing he did believe that, it wasn't Sherlock's fault and his friend had never meant to hurt him.
But why? Why did it have to be Moriarty?

John's explanations was in contradiction with everything he had ever heard or read before. No one ever even mentioned two men loving each other. Neither two woman. And the way he had been explained, you needed to be human. Not a monster like him, he wasn't allowed love.

But John made it all sound so easy and simple. So justified to fall in love with whoever you felt attracted to. Even when you couldn't help it. But love, Adam did know, was something you had to share. Something two people shared. It couldn't be one sided. "I see." He nodded, a bit absent as he was still thinking about the subject.

He startled a little as John's voice rose up and got snapped out of his stream of thoughts. He could feel shame creeping up his body as he thought about the horror he had caused down Baskerville. "Yes. Me." He said, quiet. He lifted his hand off John's shoulder and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked down onto to tile floor of the kitchen.

"I have done horrible things, John." He whispered, oh how he regretted those things. "I.. I had to learn how to control my emotions. Everything was new to me." He began, still not looking up. "I didn't knew anger, disappointment, despite, sadness and surely nothing like happiness." He could even feel his eyes tearing up a little as he spoke. "I didn't knew how to react when I felt them. I acted impulsively. Acted without knowing what was good or wrong." His voice shaking a bit, but he kept talking.

"And so I learned along as I did things. Slowly a certain kind of sense was shown to me. But most people are disgusting." He now sounded a bit more angry, though he was still calm. "It wasn't okay for me to hurt anyone, but it was okay for them to hurt me." He shrugged, looking up at John for the first time. "But you're not like them. You make me feel other things. You don't make me feel angry of scared." He whispered.

John's eyes widened considerably as Adam talked, he wasn't expecting this and for the first time in a long time he forgot about Sherlock, concentrating on something completely different. He didn't notice that, of course, too focused on what Adam was telling him.

He turned towards him, unable to imagine what kind of things Adam was talking about, but as he looked at him, he could see muscles, he could see how tall he was, he knew he could hurt people easily if he wanted to. Funny how he hadn't realized till that moment, but Adam could be scary if he wanted to, especially with his messy scars and passionate eyes.

"It was not okay for them to hurt you," he exclaimed quickly, wanting to make things clear. "I don't know what happened to you, I can only imagine what they did and I can tell you have been mistreated and neglected, but people in general aren't like that... it's true you get hurt sometimes, but they often don't do it on purpose," he muttered, his eyes worried as he looked into the other's pair.

"It's true, people can be horrible, but there are people like me around..." he whispered back with a smile, this time he was the one touching him, he reached out for the Adam's hand, squeezing it very softly. "We'll find them together, we'll get you back on your feet and I'll make sure you'll have a life like everyone else," he muttered, wondering why his heart was beating faster.

"I do not want you to ever feel scared of me, and hopefully not angry either," he added with an hesitant smile.

Adam couldn't help but huff at John's words. "Everyone I came across to hurt me." He shrugged. "Every person I tried to socialize with, every human being that laid eyes on me had hurt me." He continued. "Maybe to you to you most people are friendly. But not to me. No one, except you." He looked up at John as he felt his hand being squeezed.

He felt the same warmth streaming through his body as he had felt the night before, in his bedroom, when John touched his neck. It felt a bit more familiar now, though Adam still couldn't place it. But it felt nice, and he returned the touch by slipping his fingers between John's.

A small smile managed to come through as John said he didn't want to get Adam angry. "As long as you don't scare me, I won't feel scared around you." He said, finding it logical. "You're a nice person, I won't hurt you. I will seal it with a promise." And he sort of, awkwardly shook their hands. It was the only way he knew how to secure spoken words.

John looked at him when his hand was squeezed back, it felt strangely reassuring, but a bit unsettling as well, knowing that the quick pace of his heart wasn't a good sign.
"People are scared of things they do not understand, and they lash out when they are scared, they try to hurt before they get hurt," he explained, retreating his hand and standing awkwardly in the kitchen. "I'm not saying they were right, but we have to be careful... I will try to make you look as normal as possible, I want you to have a normal life, but you have to promise me you'll follow my advice..."

It was unfair really, that someone with such an exploring nature had to restrain his instincts, but they had to abide to the rules of society and surely John didn't want Adam to get hurt again.

He smiled a bit at the promise, he wanted to say that he wasn't so easy to hurt, but at the moment he felt that Adam had the skills necessary to hurt him, if not for those beautiful blue eyes that seemed to bear into his soul.
John was already getting attached, and the doctor knew it was no good news, because there had only been another person before who attracted his attention from the first day and that brought so much disaster he was still suffering the consequences.

Adam knew John's words were probably true. And even if they weren't, he'd take them for granted, knowing he had nothing else to go on to. John seemed like a good man, someone he could feel safe around. It was all Adam had been searching for in his life, humanity and company. John offered him both.

"But you weren't scared when you first saw me? Because you're a doctor?" He asked, keeping his light eyes fixed on John's. He could feel the tension, just as he had felt the silence earlier. It still struck him, how he could feel things that weren't really there. Same with his emotions, which seem to be more controlled around here.

"I will promise to follow your advice." Adam said eventually. "I want you to have a life like you. Be a normal person." He nodded, smiling. It was curious how fast he could change feelings, from being sad a moment ago, to now feeling exciting for what he saw as a new adventure. Exploring the unknown and learning new things, he knew there was still so many things he didn't knew about.

John shook his head at Adam's question, "You were hurt and bleeding, how could I be scared? I was more scared I wouldn't be able to save you, but luckily they didn't hurt you that much," he admitted with a shrug, jumping a bit when he felt the kettle click. "I guess it could be because I am a doctor, but let me tell you, I've seen worse injuries in the war," he explained, unwilling to let his memories go back to that time.

"Would you like some more tea, Adam? I am going to make some for me," he asked politely, turning towards the cupboard and feeling himself relax a bit more, he felt so strange when Adam pinned him with his grey eyes.

"We'll work on that, and who knows, maybe soon enough you'll also have a girlfriend," he teased him with a smile.

"Others were scared John. I've been this way before. I've been much worse before." He protested, but the reason John gave him did made sense. He had heard about wars before, people fighting for countries, people dying, also. "You're a soldier then?" He asked, imagining them from the books he had seen with the old man. They didn't look anything like John, but perhaps he had the uniform stored somewhere when he was at home. It must be.

Adam nodded. He liked this hot drink John kept giving him. "Yes I'd love some more. It's very good." He said, lurking over John's shoulder to see how he prepared it. He could make it himself the next time.

"Or a boyfriend!" Adam exclaimed, now he knew about same sex relationships. "Or both." He then added, grinning at the idea.

"I guess I am not like the others then," he muttered, with a half smile. "It could be why I am alone as well, no one is like me," he muttered absent-mindedly, his thoughts running on a dark tangent, the downwards spiral that always made him clench hard at the tub of sleeping pills he was tempted to take.

He shook himself out of his reverie when he heard Adam's question. "Mm? No, well, I was, I got injured a few years back and they sent me home," he explained, rubbing his frown once he put the tea to brew in the two cups filled with water and milk. "I am just a GP now."

He laughed at Adam's words, not sure if he should worry about the enthusiasm he demonstrated on the subject or not. "Both?" he repeated, shaking his head. "Not at the same time I hope," he joked. "I do not want to put you back on your feet so you can become a playboy, and go around breaking boys and girls' hearts," he teased him.

"You're not alone now, you've got me!" Adam exclaimed, watching the tea brew with great fascination. He considered John as his friend, his best friend, his only friend. And Adam surely hoped John didn't consider him as just someone he had to take care of out of pity.

John's army story pulled his attention away from the cups on the counter. "Did you get shot? Where?" He asked curious. Weapons, he had read about them. They're deadly most of the time. Or they at least could cause great damage.

Adam laughed at John's words, even though he didn't really understood the joke. "I have learned that once somebody belongs to someone else, it's not okay to belong to that person as well. You're only made for each other, not for someone else." He thought back at the time he tried hurt the woman his creator was married to. He didn't kill her though, he had just hurt her.

John smiled at Adam for a moment, but then he shrugged one shoulder and moved to look at the tea cups again. Adam was sweet, so sweet his heart was clenching painfully in his chest, but John knew that what the man thought now was only temporary, everything was temporary in life.
"Thank you," he said simply, taking out the bags of tea and offering him the warm cup. "Careful because it's hot," he warned him.

"Yes, my shoulder," he said simply, moving towards the sofa so they could sit and relax a bit. It felt like the atmosphere was buzzing, Adam enthusiasm was good for John, he felt a bit younger. "You're not the only one having scars," he joked, patting the seat beside him, indicating Adam that he could sit if he wanted.

The rest of the words confused him, he wasn't sure what Adam was talking about, but he guessed the subject was love again.
"If you are in a committed relationship, then yes, it is wrong to be with someone else, it's called cheating," he explained as he sipped his tea. "If you are single though, you can be with whoever you want..."

He looked at him for a moment. "I am not sure if that was what you meant though?"

Adam followed John into the living room, holding his tea between both hands. Even holding it like this felt good he thought as he could feel the heat coming through the glass. He settled himself down next to John, facing his new found friend.

"No, I mean everyone belongs to someone. Like Adam belongs to Eve. Like the starts belong to the night sky." He explained, as if it were supposed to make more sense. He could be such a philosopher sometimes, but he knew little else to be. It had been the books he had been reading.

"You have scars from war?!" He asked perhaps a bit too enthusiastic. "Can I.. Can I see them?"

John frowned at the explanation, and then he relaxed suddenly with a soft sad smile.
Right, Adam was a believer.
"That would be quite nice," he commented, and took another sip of his tea, then settling the cup on the coffee table and sitting back. "Would that be like... someone you are destined to?" he asked curiously, wondering just exactly what Adam thought about the matter.

The question took him off guard, he didn't expect it, and even though his first instinct was to say no, when he looked at Adam's enthusiastic face, he couldn't.
"I, well, I am not sure," he mumbled, touching his shoulder instinctively. It really wasn't a part of him he was really proud of, he was mostly ashamed of how his skin was scarred and ugly, but he reckoned he sort of owed it to Adam.

"Fine," he exclaimed finally, taking off his t-shirt and looking towards the window so that his shoulder was closer to Adam. It wasn't very pretty indeed, scar tissue covering half of his upper chest and the same in the back. It didn't help that John wasn't used to showing this, his heart was suddenly in his throat.

"Yes exactly that." Adam exclaimed. "It's all destined, everything that happens." He went on. "And one day you'll meet someone and look that person on the eyes and you'll realise that is the one for you." He liked talking about these things, he liked John asking him things. "But some people aren't meant to be with someone, yet again they are meant to be." He nodded, taking a good sip of his tea.

"It's fine, I won't be scared." He tried to encourage John, tried to make him.. comfortable?.. with showing his scar. After all Adam would be the last person to judge him on a scar.

His eyes gazed at the lightly coloured part covering John's shoulder. He hadn't expect it to be so clean, so well healed. "It's not so bad, is it?" Adam stretched out his arm and finger, placing it on John's shoulder just next to his scar. Then his finger circled all the way around it. "Does it still hurt?" He asked quietly, almost whispering. His finger crossed the scar tissue, feeling it as his eyes observed every bit of the damaged flesh.

Adam's finger pulled away, then moved up to his own head and traced the worse scar he had. "Mine is much rougher." He pointed out, smiling weakly.

John wanted to laugh at Adam's words, but he couldn't, the other's confident gaze was enough to silence him, he didn't want to shatter his dreams with his bitter opinion. Maybe it was like that, maybe Adam was going to meet someone and fall in love with them and live happily ever after, John still felt that was never going to happen to him.
"Have you met your person yet?" he asked, wondering whether he was speaking like that because he already felt that way about someone.

John's eyes widened when he saw Adam reaching out, so concentrated on what he was doing that he missed John taking in a shaky breath.
Jesus.
He closed his eyes, trying hard not to tense up and cursing himself mentally for thinking that it was a good idea to show him his scar.
No one had ever been allowed to touch him freely like that, and he felt incredibly exposed.

"Bad weather," he breathed out, his voice husky and he coughed softly, hoping to make it better. "When it's bad weather I get sore... and when I use my arm too much..."

John looked closely at Adam's fingers as they pulled away, watching him move on his deepest scar.
"The person who stitched your skin wasn't very good," he told him, trying to ignore his beating heart. "And what he did," he looked at him, his eyes narrowing slightly. "It wasn't to sew a wound together," he realized suddenly.
Could it be... could it really be that Adam had been made with pieces of other people?

He looked at him, shocked by his own deduction, but he quickly schooled his features not to upset Adam.
"I will make them better though," he promised, sure he could do it, and also rather sure he could get a plastic surgeon to look at that in case they wouldn't heal properly anyway.