Solitary, miserable and misunderstood.

John groaned, turning around and walking towards the window. He didn't know what to do, what to think, Adam's words only aggravating him further. "He doesn't want to be protected, Adam. Sherlock likes that. He loves that person," he snapped, stubborn.

Sherlock was standing there, tense, he didn't really know what to say, because he knew John was right, he was going to marry the most dangerous person in the world, and he wanted that, he loved Jim, the only thing he needed was for John to accept it.
"I know you don't approve, John... but you're the only friend I have... I want... well, I wish you will be there."

Adam's eyes followed John towards the window, resting on his backside before he moved his gaze to Sherlock. Why would anyone want to be in danger? Let alone marry it. John clearly didn't agree with it, Adam could easily tell. He didn't like this Sherlock person, he was hurting John. He was interrupting them and he didn't seem to be the most friendly around.

"John is my only friend too." Adam pointed out. He did felt protective towards John and adam took it as a good thing. "Friends are there for each other and don't leave." his own light eyes pierced Sherlock's pair and he straightened his shoulders, making himself look taller.

Sherlock's eyes narrowed considerably as Adam stood tall in front of him, his words making his chest fill with anger. John was his friend! Did Adam think he could replace him? It was ridiculous.
"Friends don't kiss," he hissed back, making it clear he had deduced what had gone on before he arrive, he did not even realized the jealousy that seeped in his tone. He had never got the chance to kiss John after all, they were never anything but friends, even though they had loved each other a long time ago.

The rest of the words hit Sherlock rather hard, he was sure Adam was right, but he really didn't need to make things worse, not to mention, who was he to talk anyway?
"It's John who doesn't want to see me any more..." he snapped, his eyes moving on his friend, seeing him tense by the window. "I didn't mean to leave him, I just live in a different place now... it's not like we could have lived together forever, everything has an end, I had to move on, and so will you, or maybe it'll be John who will finally find a girl to marry..."

Adam's mouth opened in an attempt to reply to Sherlock's sharp words, but he closed it soon after, not knowing what to say. Sherlock's words had confused him, had made him think about something beyond his knowledge. What did he mean "friends don't kiss."? John and him were friends, right? Best friends, in fact. At least considering to Adam.

"How.. How did you know we kissed?" He eventually asked. That bit confused him even more.

The thought of arguing about John while he was only a few steps away also put Adam off. It didn't felt right. He just wanted to defend his friend, to protect him, not to discuss what they had done or the way they felt.

"You don't need to marry girls." Adam blurred out, it didn't really matter but to him it did. This was new information he'd learned and was more than happy to show off his knowledge. "You just can't hurt him. Or I.. I will hurt you!" He threatened.

Sherlock looked at Adam confused, his heart clenching in his chest. "John has told you nothing about me?" he asked, not being able to hide the betrayal in his voice. Maybe it had been a mistake to come at all, John clearly wanted him out of his life, he had cut him off, nothing he would say would change that, would it?
He groaned in frustration and hurt, and started talking before he could think properly. "Of course I know you kissed, it's clear by the way you jumped apart when I stepped into the door, John's tousled hair, your red lips, the fact you were both panting, I am not stupid," he exclaimed quickly. "You clearly thought the experience arousing, your whole body is still tense from it."

"But John likes girls," he added, "And he surely isn't in the mental state to accept his homosexuality. He needs stability and a family would only do him good..."

John turned around then, he had had enough. "Sherlock!" he exclaimed, moving towards him and shaking his head.

Sherlock was laughing loudly at the other's menace. "The only one who would get hurt is you!"

"Don't!" John snapped, stepping in between the two and staring at Sherlock pointedly, successfully making him shut up. He turned to Adam then, "I am fine, I don't want you to hurt Sherlock..." he whispered, embarrassed of the words he was saying, he didn't want Sherlock to know he still cared.

"He did. But not much." Adam shrugged. Was it of any importance whether or not John had talked about him? Adam stood perplex when Sherlock started rambling about how he knew they had kissed. How was it possible for anyone to see such things? Or better, see them and put them into something that actually made sense. It wasn't until now Adam noticed his body indeed was tense. He indeed was aroused and suddenly his cheeks turned a darker shade of red.

What happened next though, was a complete different story. Adam's chest suddenly throbbed painfully and filled with feelings of sadness, rejection and embarrassment. He didn't understand what it all meant, but somehow Sherlock's words had shot straight through his heart. Adam felt like running away, he didn't want to be in this room anymore. His eyes were confused and painfully staring into John's pair for a little while before Adam looked away, somewhere to his right.

"Okay.. I.. I'm just going to.. Make some tea." He blinked a few times, trying to understand where all of this came from. Adam was quick to move away from the other two and disappeared into the kitchen, Sherlock's words echoing in his ears. "John likes girls.... isn't in the mental state to accept homosexuality... The only one who would get hurt is you"

John's chest tightened when he looked into Adam's eyes, he realized Sherlock's words had hurt him, and that his new friend cared for him just as much as he did. His feelings were a storm, but the last thing he wanted was for Adam to think he was playing with him.
"Adam, I- wait!" he started, but the man was retreating, running away to the kitchen, and Sherlock was there, looking at him, offended and proud.

"You were quick to replace me," he accused him bitterly, John rubbed his forehead in frustration, his heart seemed to be ripping into two. "I am not replacing you... one can have more than one friend, Sherlock..."

"Friends don't kiss," was his repeated reply, and he stepped closer, very close to John, looking at him with piercing eyes. "You cannot afford to get close to someone like him, John, how can you help someone else when you are utterly unbalanced to begin with?"

John looked to the side, humiliation and embarrassment colouring his cheeks. He couldn't deny he was messed up, saying he was unbalanced was only a nice way to put it, he knew that, but man it hurt, it hurt so much to know he was not even entitled to have an innocent crush on someone. It wasn't just someone though, it was Adam, and Adam... well, he would never forgive himself if he hurt him.

Sherlock felt guilty as he ran his eyes over John's face, he realized he had said too much, he realized he was jealous, he realized he was not making things any easier.
"I am sorry... I... I know it's none of my business... but... but I can't help but worry... I know this is all my fault..."

John looked up surprised, eyes restless, Sherlock was... apologizing?
"I think I... I need to talk to Adam for a minute..." he muttered, overwhelmed by the whole situation.

Sherlock's jaw clenched, but he nodded, moving to sit on what used to be his armchair.
"I can wait," he said coldly, looking outside.

There was another pang of hurt in his heart as he saw him sitting there like the old times, but he pushed it away, making his way to the kitchen.

"Adam..." he muttered as he stepped closer.

Adam felt warm, everywhere, from his head down to his chest. Not the nice kind of warmth he had felt earlier when John and he had been kissing. No, this was something different, something very different. He tried not to concentrate on the conversation Sherlock and John were having. He could hear them, but wouldn't even focus to understand the words. Instead he focused on tea. Just one cup this time, not the usual two. His eyes fixed on the kettle, fixed on the little, flickering red dot.

With shaking hands Adam reached for the little bag of earl grey. His whole body tensed and froze when he heard John's voice calling out his name. "I'm making tea." He said, keeping his back turned to John. He didn't want to face his.. friend?.. Not like this, not with Sherlock still around probably hearing every word. He didn't just not like the man, he also didn't trust him like he trusted John. Or at least, like he used to trust John. "I'm fine. Go away... Please." He muttered quickly after, this situation made his nervous and extremely uncomfortable.

Go away... please.

The words cut right through his heart, his eyes instinctively stinging and for a moment John could not utter a word, his whole body freezing, his mind running down a hill of despair.
What was he doing anyway?
Did he think he could be fit to like someone?
To be liked by someone?

God, Sherlock was right.
How could he want someone when he was still hanging off the edge of suicidal thoughts?

"Friends... don't leave..." he whispered, a small feeble strand of reason keeping him grounded to the spot.

"Not everything Sherlock says is true... please... don't.. don't stop trusting me..." he whispered, his hand moving out, he wanted to touch Adam, he wanted to comfort him, but his thoughts stopped him before he could. His hand froze in mid air and then he pulled it away, shaking his head. He had no right to touch him.

"I do... like girls as well... but.. but so do you, don't you?" he stammered, unsure, unsteady. "And... it... it was the past... Sherlock knows only who I was in the past... before I met you..."

The silence teared Adam apart on the inside. He knew John was still behind him but didn't dare moving before the other had. His fingers flexed as a sign of nervousness when John started to talk. Adam turned around when John was finished, looking him straight in the eyes, his own teared up eyes only making the colour more vivid.

"Friends. Don't. Kiss." He sharply repeated the words Sherlock had said. They seemed to be true, at least to Adam. He recalled a lot of moments when friends had been mentioned, and it seemed to be right. He had never seen friends kiss the way John and he had.

"I have never liked anyone. Not a girl, and surely not a guy." He exclaimed, louder than he had meant to. "Until..." But he never finished the sentence. Instead he bit his lower lip for a moment, trying to calm down the bursting feelings inside of him.

"Before you met me?" He frowned. "So what am I? Just someone to fulfill your sudden developed need for a man? An easy target because of who I am?" Because Adam could rely to that feeling. He knew what it felt like, wanting someone just to fulfill his own needs. But he, by now, also knew it was very wrong. "Is that why you were so insisting on taking care of me?" Adam shook his head, believing the thoughts he was having.

John didn't think he deserved Adam's accusations, the man was clearly exagerating, but somehow he couldn't say anything in his defence. For a long moment, he just looked at him, sadly, wondering if maybe it could be true, that he was using Adam, that he was in the wrong.

"I did not plan this, I took you in because you needed help, not because I had something else in mind!" he protested, that, at least, he knew it was true, he was sure of that.

He looked down, his feet moving nervously. "I guess it was wrong of me to kiss you back, Adam, I am sorry if I upset you... I am your friend though, I will always be, whether we kiss or not... I care for you, Adam, a lot. Don't let Sherlock put doubts in your head."

John's words made Adam think. Perhaps that was just it, he didn't want John to be his friend. He wanted John to be so much more. So perhaps that was what caused this strange pain inside his chest, this mix of unknown emotions.

But now he didn't know what to believe or what to feel. He both wanted to be alone and wanted to kiss John again at the same time. It didn't felt wrong to Adam at all, but there were two sides of the story and it seemed like John had started to regret it at this moment.

Should he explain this to John? The way he felt? Could he even put those things into sentences that actually made sense?

"I liked our kiss, John." Adam confessed. "But I thought it meant something.. more." His eyes trailed down and he looked at his feet. "I am confused now." He whispered.

John looked at him surprised, his heart beating fast in his chest, he knew he had to say the truth, and he braced himself for it, for the sure consequences it would bring. It was scary, but he was never going to be silent about his feelings ever again, he had already lost Sherlock over it.
"What more can it mean, Adam? You pretty much have my hear-"

"John!" Sherlock's voice interrupted him from behind, he was near, and clearly tired of waiting. "Can I have a cup of tea, too?" he asked, looking pointedly at the two of them.

What more could it mean... That question was Adam asking himself as well. But he knew the answer for himself. It had meant a lot more. It had meant everything to Adam and he wanted to tell John so. Or perhaps even show him, just by kissing him right here and now. Adam wanted to see for himself how much John liked girls.

But there was Sherlock again. Once more interrupting them and Adam sighed a little bit. "I'll make him some." He quickly said, turning around and starting at the kettle again.

"Adam," whispered John sadly, annoyed by the interruption, upset by the way Adam seemed to be crushed by it.
And for a long moment he could hear his thoughts no more, there was just a soft and warm instinct that possessed his body. He stepped closer then, wrapping his arms around Adam's waist, burying his face in his back.

"I need to speak to Sherlock... but... do not forget you are important to me," he whispered, his forehead resting on the other's shoulder.

Adam's body tensed when he felt John's arms wrap around him like that. It had been the last he was expecting but it did felt quit nice. The low whispers of John's voice along with the nuzzling against his back calmed him down a little.

Picking up the cup he had made Sherlock, Adam turned around inside John's arms, making their faces appear close again. "I'll not forget." Adam whispered in reply, enjoying being so close to John, enjoying the calming of his body. "Here." Adam handed John the cup of tea. "Next time he can make it himself." Adam said a bit louder, making sure Sherlock could here. "He's not above that."

John smiled up at Adam, his heart feeling considerably lighter when their eyes met and he was reassured he wouldn't forget. The way they were now, it felt intimate, and once again John was hardly able to control himself. He wanted so much to just lean up and let their lips meet in a soft kiss again, his skin was tingling for it, the urge strong in his chest, but he stopped himself, knowing that would just complicate their situation.

"You don't want Sherlock anywhere close to the kitchen, believe me," he joked, taking the cup and moving towards the living room again.

Sherlock looked at him as he reappeared and rolled his eyes. "Took you long enough," he commented, and John shook his head impatiently.

"Don't you have to go back to your fiance?" he teased him.

"Well, yes, but I wanted some sort of reply before..."

"I need to think about it."

Sherlock swallowed hard before he allowed himself to speak again. "It's not just about... coming to the wedding... I.... I also would like you to be... well... my best man." he muttered, looking away and outside the window. "If convenient..."

"You... what?" John exclaimed, his heart clenching in his chest again.

The detective sipped his tea slowly, "You heard me."

Since Adam was busy making tea anyway, he decided to make John a cup as well. It gave him the time to talk to his friend without having Adam near. By now Adam knew how John liked his tea and he enjoyed making it.

He took a few deep breath before heading over to the pair in the living room. "Here, John." Adam said softly, welcoming his eyes with a sweet smile. "What's a best man?" He couldn't help but asking, since he had picked up that part.

Adam sat down on the sofa opposite the pair. His eyes gazing at the cake and he couldn't help but take another piece of it. "Do you want some?" He addressed Sherlock, smiling but clearly he didn't mean his politeness.

"It's a friend or relative who helps the person getting married during the wedding... they usually are chosen in between the people who are closest to the groom," explained Sherlock automatically, blushing a bit when he realized he had exposed his thoughts unwillingly. Well, too late now. "I don't have anyone I care about other than John, so I figured I should choose him..."

John looked out of the window, refusing to speak. He knew he was supposed to accept the offer, he was supposed to be there for his friend, but he couldn't approve of him, how could he?

Sherlock sighed. "Maybe I should... let you think about it... it's quite late..." he muttered, and stood up, a bit nervous, his heart clenching in his chest at the embarrassed silence between them.

Adam just nodded at Sherlock in reply, letting him know he had understood what they were on about. It made him wonder what Sherlock thought of him. Would he knew Adam was different? Or at least had been different. Was he able to see that as well as he was able to see that they'd been kissing?

Adam was quick to stand up as Sherlock mentioned he was about to go. He rather didn't like the idea of John being alone with him so he spoke up. "I'll lead you out." His eyes found John's and he nodded, reassuring him he wouldn't do anything to hurt Sherlock and he'd do his best to stay polite.

Sherlock nodded, his eyes straying to John, they were filled with hurt for a long moment, especially when his friend refused to look at him.
"Goodbye John," he whispered, and he turned away, blinking, reverting back to his cold self.

Every step that brought him out of Baker street felt heavy and painful, he wanted to spend more time with John, he wanted John to be his old self, but it felt like there was no more space for him there.

He turned to Adam, watching him carefully for a moment.
"John is weaker than he looks," he exclaimed, biting on his lower lip. "Maybe you think he can protect you, you think he is strong because he was nice even to someone like you... but that's not all there is."

He looked at the door, not willing to leave yet, knowing he needed to make a few things clear to Adam before going, especially now that John couldn't hear them.
"He needs help too... he hides it... but he has been... hurt... very seriously hurt..."

Unexpected Sherlock turned around before they even reached the last step. Adam was one above Sherlock, which made him tower over John's friend. Their eyes both viciously fighting one another, probably without even realizing they were.

Even to someone like you... Adam felt a little spark of anger bursting inside his chest when Sherlock said those words. "Someone like me?" He exclaimed in return. "I am just as normal as you are. Equally worthy as anyone else in this world." Adam almost hissed those words.

At the same time Sherlock's other words made his knees go weak. John had mentioned being hurt quite badly, by Sherlock, but he had never detailed his story. "He mentioned it. He mentioned you in what he has told me." Adam said. "But he's not weak. He can protect me. He promised and I believe him. And I will do anything to protect him as well." The last line was clearly another threat towards Sherlock, because after all he was the one causing trouble when things were finally looking up for the both of them.

Sherlock looked at him with a grimace, "Of course you are like everyone else... just as stupid," he commented, and rolled his eyes, looking up the stairs to the door of the room they left, checking that John wasn't coming out. "But that doesn't mean anything when you look different, I can read it in your posture, in your attitude, I know no one has been nice with you, no one has ever treated you well... John does though, John is kind, John is special," he mumbled, taking in a deep breath.

He went back to look at Adam, his eyes filled with fiery passion for a second as he leaned closer. "Let's make things clear, Adam, I never meant to hurt John, it happened, life is like that... and I would do anything to make up for what I did, I would give anything for John to be happy again, but it's not easy, not at all... especially in his condition..."

He took in another deep breath. "I am going to tell you something now, but I don't want you to mention it to John, I don't want you to act differently with him, I just want you... I need you to be careful with him..."

"John has..." he stopped, his voice shaking as he realized he could hardly talk about this. It still hurt. It still scared him. "John has tried to-" he bit on his lower lip, willling himself to pull himself together. "He has tried to kill himself in the past... more than once..."

Adam lip's parted, ready to throw a bunch of arguments towards Sherlock, but the detective was too quick and his words came out like a waterfall. When Sherlock finally halted to take a breath Adam took his opportunity.

"You would do anything to make John happy?" He asked, his voice calm and low. "You would not marry the person you're about to marry? You would leave him behind? Because you know, that is exactly what will make John happy." By now Adam was hissing. He knew the answers to those question, Sherlock would not do that. "You tell me I'm stupid, but you're the one saying stupid things just to calm the guilt of your own consciousness ."

"I don't care I look different. John is taking me to doctors to get that fixed. The way I look has nothing to do with the way I act. You're just as narrow minded as all of them." He groaned, getting upset on the inside. He hated when people treated him like that.

Adam's knees went weak with the next words. Why would John do that? He had everything, his life seemed so perfect. But he soon figured it had to be because Sherlock had left him. The rage he felt than was something different than all times before. "What do you expect from me?" Because Adam didn't know. Why was Sherlock telling this? "You already know I wouldn't hurt him. Unlike you." He spat out.

Sherlock stood up straight, pride settling in his shoulders. "You think me leaving my lover behind would make John happy? You think sacrificing my happiness would make him feel any better?" he snapped, looking at him as if he was some sort of stupid kid. "Maybe at the beginning, but then he would just feel guilty, he would know I was with him even though I haven't chosen him, John surely doesn't deserve anything like that!"

He tried not to get angry at Adam's words and accusations, but it took him quite a bit of self-control not to let his deductions spill and humiliate the other. Had it been anyone else, he probably wouldn't have cared, but he was not willing to alienate the only friend John had at the moment.
"Don't act so innocent and pure, you have hurt people before, otherwise you wouldn't be here," he hissed, his eyes piercing, it was obvious the man was an escaped experiment, he was bound to have killed a few guards minimum to run away from whatever facility he had been created in.

"Don't accuse me lightly, Adam," he added, moving towards the door. "Am I treating you differently? No, I treat everyone the same, I hate everyone just the same, but that doesn't mean people out there would do the same," he muttered, his hand grabbing the doorknob. "I just want you to be careful, keep an eye on him, he needs a lot more than he asks for, and he is not the man he used to be..." his voice shook again, and he had to take in another deep breath to talk again.

"He used to be confident, now he is insecure, no doubt he thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved... beware of his silences, when he is silent he is probably getting depressed..."
He looked at him again, "You like him because he is the only kind person you've met... once you'll look good and go out there, will you go back to him?" he closed his eyes for a moment. "Don't get too close to him unless you are sure of your reply."