He closed his eyes for a second, taking in a deep breath, trying to ignore the feeeling of John's hand on his shoulder, but it didn't go very well, his mind betraying him with the possibilities, with what that hand could do to him.
He wondered, for a long moment, what it would be like to be with John, to kiss, to have sex, would he like it? Or would he shy away from those things like he had always done?
He looked up, John's advice hardly registering. "You... are helping me with this, I... I have done better since you came around," he commented, somehow hopeful, the rest of the words hitting him to silence again.
Of course John wasn't going to run away with someone else, those mails were for him, there was no other explanation, apparently the doctor had no idea he knew? Did he really think he couldn't deduce it?
"Everyone goes away at the end, John, you've been dying to leave this place since you arrived, dating so many girls," he muttered, not being able to help the bitter tone in his words.
"I cannot calm down, I am completely out of my depth now, and I do not like it," except he did, he loved the touch on his shoulder, he loved the fact he could take in John's scent from this distance, but his body was scared, his mind was scared while his senses were soaking up all they could of John.
"John, I need to know what you are going to do, are you doing to try to kiss me? Is that what people do after a confession? I have no idea, I am sure I've seen it before in films, but I never paid attention..." he blurted out, still shaking.